Aftermath
by JJS4
Summary: When a show of trust sparks feelings neither are prepared for, Kevin and Alexis learn the hard way that one mistake can have lasting consequences.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey! This is a Rylexis story, so if you don't ship them, then I don't blame you for not reading this, but who knows you might like it anyway. So I hope you at least give it a shot. If you are a Rylexis fan, then I am very excited for you to read this. It obviously doesn't follow canon, so I hope you don't mind. Took me awhile to write this so please take the time to write a review. Just a few words would be enough!**

 **Okay, this is a new type of story for me, so I hope you like it. As you can see this fic is rated M, so you have been warned.**

He never imagined he would be in this situation. He never imagined that he would be walking to Castle's place in the middle of the night. He would have gone to Javi's, but Javi and Lanie were practically living together, so he couldn't go there. He just needed time, a little time to think and get some sleep. Maybe then he would know what the hell he was supposed to do.

Was he supposed to work through it? Give up? He wasn't thrilled about the prospect of divorce, but he wasn't sure if this was something he could simply overlook. He wasn't sure he could forgive Jenny or ever trust her again. The phrase, "Once a cheater, always a cheater" ran through his mind. Maybe she would cheat again. He wasn't enough for her the first time she cheated; maybe he still wasn't enough for her now.

Kevin found himself stepping out of the elevator and walking towards Castle's door. He knew it was a little late, but he wished he had called first. He had been in such a hurry to get away. He couldn't be there anymore, couldn't be in that apartment with her. Not after what she had told him.

He knocked on the door and waited, trying to figure out a good story to tell Castle. He was showing up at his place pretty late and Castle made up stories for a living, so it had to be a damn good story. Maybe he could just tell him the truth. He quickly shook his head. He didn't want Castle or Beckett taking pity on him.

The door opened and Kevin was a little surprised to see Alexis behind it.

"Detective Ryan?" she asked, frowning. Did he really look that pathetic? "Is Dad okay?"

He gave her a look. "How should I know? Isn't he here?"

She shook her head. "No, he and Kate are in the Hamptons for the week. I thought you were here because something happened to them."

He immediately shook his head. Great, he had shown up in the middle of the night and scared the hell out of Alexis. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to worry you. As far as I know, they're both fine."

She nodded and let out a breath. "Good. So if they are okay, why are you here?"

That was a damn good question. "I needed to place to stay but since they are gone, I think I will just go to a hotel." He turned to walk away, but her voice stopped him.

"You could stay here."

"No, that's okay."

"Detective Ryan, it's pretty late. You can stay on the couch or in the spare room. Gram isn't here, so you will have plenty of privacy."

It was a nice offer, but he thought it might to be weird if he stayed. She may not have been underage, but it still seemed inappropriate.

"I'll just go see if Javi's home," he lied.

"No," she said, stopping him again. "I insist." She backed up and gestured for him to come in.

Kevin felt a little weird about it, but much to his surprise, he found himself walking into the loft.

It was kind of dark and a very quiet upon entering. He looked around to notice that the only light on was in the kitchen, and a pint of ice cream sat on the counter. Maybe Alexis was having a rough night as well.

"Uh, thanks, you know, for this," he stumbled over his words.

"No problem," she smiled. "Can I offer you something?"

A time machine would be good.

"No thanks, I'm fine."

She gave him a quizzical look and then laughed. "Yeah, right."

"What?"

"You don't look fine." She shook her head, pulling Kevin by the sleeve of his jacket to the kitchen. "Here," she said, getting in the refrigerator and handing him a beer. "You look like you could use it."

He didn't reach for it.

"Come on, it won't bite." She moved the bottle closer.

He sighed and took it. She was right. It did sound good. "Thanks."

She nodded before grabbing the pint of ice cream. "This works wonders as well."

"Trust me, I know."

She jumped on the island and gave him a look.

"Something on my face?" he asked.

She nodded. "You're very transparent. Something is bothering you. Wanna share?"

He shook his head. He wasn't going to push his drama onto her. It was embarrassing and he doubted she had ever had to deal with anything like what he was going through.

She hunched shoulders. "Fine, if you aren't going to share, I will. My boyfriend of two months broke up with me through a text message and told me that he's been cheating on me for almost two weeks." She stuck a spoonful of ice cream into her mouth.

She had spoken fairly quickly, but he was able to hear every word. His jaw dropped. "Wow, I'm so sorry."

She laughed a little bitterly. "Me too."

"No, you're not."

She shook her head. "I was naive, I guess. I have plenty of girlfriends who have had this happen to them. Why did I think I was any different?"

"Trust me, it can happen to anyone," Kevin said.

"What do you mean?"

He bit his lip. Well, if he was going to tell anyone about the mess that was now his life, why not put it to some good use? "I just found out Jenny cheated on me a month ago." The words flew out and somehow saying it out loud made the pain hurt even worse.

He shook his head as an image of Jenny appeared in his mind. He took a drink and looked up to find Alexis giving him a weird look.

"How?"

"How, what?"

"How could she do that to you?"

He hunched his shoulders. "I don't know."

"I'm sorry."

He wasn't going to let her pity him. "It's fine."

"It is?"

"Well, no, but you don't need to be concerned about it." He leaned against the island. "I just thought you should know that this sort of thing can happen to anyone. Nobody is immune to heartbreak."

She nodded and then looked away, grabbing the ice cream. "Want some?" she asked with a weak smile.

Despite his current state of mind, he couldn't help but smile back. "No, thanks. I think I should get some sleep."

"Sounds better than staying up all night and eating my feelings," she muttered. "I should get some sleep too." She threw out the almost empty container and walked towards the stairs. "I'll show you where the room is."

He pushed himself forward and followed her. He just needed some sleep. Everything would make more sense when he felt refreshed. He nodded to himself and then, without really thinking about it, he caught himself watching Alexis walk up the stairs. His eyes slowly went from her legs to her ass. Was she making her hips move like that or was it just his imagination? He shook his head. What the hell was he doing?

She opened the door. "Everything you need should be in there."

Kevin looked inside. Wow. Even Castle's guest room looked amazing. Lucky talented bastard.

"If you have any questions or need anything, my room is right down there," she said, pointing down the hallway.

He nodded. "Thanks again for letting me stay here."

"No problem."

He looked at bed and sighed. It looked so comfortable.

"Detective Ryan?" Alexis' voice called.

"Please drop the 'detective' title. You can call me Ryan or Kevin," he said.

"Okay," she said. "I just wanted to let you know that I think Jenny is very stupid. I've gotten to know you fairly well over the past few years, and I think you are a really good person. I know that you are one of the reasons my dad has never seriously gotten hurt. Whatever reason she had for doing what she did, you should know that it isn't good enough. You deserve better."

He was sort of grounded as her words hit him. Alexis may have been young, but she knew what to say to make the pain lessen, even if it was just for awhile.

"Uh, thanks," he said awkwardly and saw her smile. "You know, you shouldn't be sad either. The guy broke up with you over a text and was cheating on you. Clearly he wasn't a good guy, so he definitely isn't worth any tears from someone as great as you." It was true. Anyone who could cheat on her wasn't worth any of her time or energy. Could he say the same about Jenny?

He noticed her cheeks turn pink. "You think so?" she asked, looking away.

"Definitely. You're young and beautiful. I doubt you will have hard time finding someone else."

She looked up at him and smiled. He found himself mirroring her expression.

"Goodnight Alexis."

"Goodnight detect..." She shook her head. "Goodnight Kevin."

His breath caught in his throat as she leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his cheek. It was something she had never done before. He found himself closing his eyes to try to savor how good it felt.

Her lips felt soft and she smelled like vanilla. When she backed away, Kevin placed his hands on her waist. She didn't jump, but her eyes did lock onto his. Before leaning in, he stole a glance at her lips. They looked so soft. He decided he needed to know how soft they were. What they tasted like. Without giving it much thought, he pressed his lips against hers.

Part of him wanted her to back away. To tell him that he was a horrible person, but she didn't. What the hell was he doing? He was married. He was hurting, well, not so much at the moment.

She was the daughter of one of his best friends. He couldn't be doing this. He shouldn't be doing this. There were too many things telling him that he should pull away, but he couldn't. Not when her arms snaked around his neck and she pulled him closer. It was far too easy to get lost in this kiss. Too easy for the consequences to fade away.

* * *

Kissing Kevin Ryan felt good. Really good. Alexis may have had a little crush on him before, but she had never imagined how good it would feel to kiss him. Now she knew that any fantasy she could have conjured up wouldn't hold up to the real experience. Why was he kissing her? Was it because of Jenny? Of course it was. She felt silly to think he'd be kissing her because of her.

She knew why she was kissing him. He was really sweet and nice to her. He always had been. Sure, she was a little hurt, but she shouldn't have been. Kevin was right. Why waste time on people who hurt her? She'd much rather spend her time on people who made her feel good about herself. Like Kevin.

She almost lost the ability to breathe when his hands trailed from her hips up her sides. Her shirt raised with his hands and he deepened the kiss. She leaned in closer to him and kissed him with as much enthusiasm as she could conjure up. It seemed to be good enough for him; she heard him groan as he pulled her closer to him and then pinned her against the door frame. His hands kept searching her body and with each new area of skin he touched, it felt like flames were spreading across her body. A moan escaped her as his hands worked their way to her hair and his lips moved down her neck.

Alexis ran one hand over his back, while the other massaged the back of his neck. This was hardly her first time making out, but it was the first time she had ever felt like this. Every time he touched her, she wanted more and she wanted him closer. He could never be close enough. She let out what she was sure was maybe the most embarrassing moans ever as he used his knee to spread her thighs apart. His mouth came back to hers and his hand slowly moved down until he reached the waistband of her shorts. Just as she was about to ask if they should go into the room, he moved away from her.

Alexis was out of breath, but couldn't really force herself to slow down. She moved back to him, but he held up his hands.

"What?" she asked, still breathless.

"We can't," he said, shaking his head. "It's not right."

"It felt right."

His eyes met hers and then looked away. "We're both going through stuff. We're both hurting. We can't just use each other like this." He looked back to her, regret written all over his face. "I don't want to use you Alexis. You don't deserve that."

She was getting so tired of everyone automatically assuming they knew what was best for her. Why couldn't she be in charge of her own decisions, whether they were good or not? It was her life, not theirs.

"What if I want to be there for you? What if I don't mind being used?" She knew the words made no sense. Who would want to be used? The truth of it was that she didn't mind. Kevin wasn't some random loser she had met at a club; he was a good guy who was going through something she couldn't even imagine. She had been cheated on, but the difference was that she's been seeing her boyfriend for a few months. She wasn't married like Kevin was. What was so wrong with her wanting to help him?

"Alexis-"

She cut him off, knowing what he was going to say. She didn't want to hear it.

"Obviously what we were doing before was helping, because if it wasn't, I don't think it would have gone as far as it did." He wasn't denying it, so she decided to continue. "You are hurting and if I can help ease that pain, then I want to do it. I'm not some stupid kid; I know what this is. Maybe we both could use a distraction. I want this and I know you do too."

He shook his head, about to say something, but she cut him off with her lips. He tried to move back, but she didn't let him, instead she pulled him as close as possible to her. After few moments, she almost gave up. That was until he moved her backwards. The back of her legs hit the bed and she almost fell, but Kevin wrapped his arms around her waist and laid her gently down on the bed.

He removed his jacket and then leaned down to take off his shoes.

She moved back on the bed and started to take off her shorts, but his hand stopped her. She quirked an eyebrow.

"Let me," he said.

Once his shoes were off he got on the bed and hovered over her. His hand moved from her ankle all the way to her waist. God, he was good at that. Her body responded to his touch like nothing before.

His hands grabbed her shorts and yanked them down. When she was free of them she got up to her knees and started undoing his belt. She threw it onto the floor and then immediately worked at getting his shirt off.

"I didn't mean to treat you like a kid, clearly you aren't," he said, placing his hands on her waist and moving his hands up. She moved her arms straight up as he took her shirt off.

"I know," she replied with a smirk before taking off her bra.

He was like a open book. His eyes widened and he swallowed thickly. She tried not to take too much satisfaction as she leaned back on the bed, pulling him with her. He willing came with her, pressing his lips to hers in a very heated kiss that left her dizzy as his lips moved down her neck.

She gasped when his tongue moved along her skin. He stopped at her nipple. He circled it a few times until his mouth came down on it and began to suck. He took turns sucking and flicking it with his tongue. She bit her bottom lip, trying to hold back on making a noise. She ran her hand through his hair keeping his head there.

Just when she didn't think she could be anymore surprised by him, she let out a groan as one of his hands eased in between her legs, rubbing gently. She whimpered as he laid kisses down her stomach, his fingers were beginning to work frantically. She couldn't hide the moans anymore. Between his two slender fingers teasing her and him laying kisses all over her, she was helpless.

"Oh god, please, Kevin." The words came out before she had time to even process them. She didn't care though. She wanted this and wanted him. "Please." His mouth came down claiming hers. His fingers were still stroking her and she moaned into the kiss when he added a third finger. She nearly lost it when his fingers skillfully pinched her clit. He broke the kiss and quickly removed his pants and boxers, while she laid back, still overcome by what was happening. He quickly disposed of his clothes and came back, kissing her harder than she had ever been kissed. She wiggled out of her panties, throwing them aside as he spread her legs and moved on top of her.

His head dropped laying kisses to her neck, which quickly turned into soft, but fast nips. She licked her lips and ran her hands down his back. He rubbed his tip against her and she softly moaned. He grabbed her hands and pinned them above her head. His forehead touched hers as he pushed against her. She bit her lip.

"Don't," he slowed. "I want to hear. You sound so sexy when you moan." His voice was a whisper and she couldn't believe how turned on she was just by his voice. He pushed forward, entering her and she couldn't hold in it, even if he told her to. It felt so good.

Kevin's lips went back to her neck as he quickened his pace. She couldn't believe how good this felt. How much she wanted this. She rotated her hips against his and he let out a struggled groan.

"Fuck, you feel so good," he whispered in her ear, making her whole body react. She wrapped her legs around his waist, pushing him in deeper with the heels off her feet. She crashed her mouth against his and he actively kissed her back while his pace increased.

"Oh god," she breathed. "Faster, oh please, faster!"

He obeyed as quickly as the words left her mouth. Alexis arched her back, pressing her hips against his. "You shouldn't beg like that. It's driving me crazy," he said.

The pressure was beginning to build up pretty quickly as his thrusts became faster and rough. "Please, oh Kevin, please!"

He groaned. "Fuck it," he muttered before going full force. She had no idea how much he was holding back. The moans and whines became louder and more frequent before she was sent over the edge with one final thrust. He collapsed on top of her, breathing raggedly.

She hadn't quite come back from the amazing orgasm she had just had. Having him still inside of her, while breathing heavily wasn't helping any, but she didn't care.

Their breathing normalized and he lift himself off her, gently pulling out. He leaned over and laid on his back next to her.

Once the effects from what just occurred faded, Alexis was finally able to think about what it meant: she'd just slept with a married man.

 _Oh God, what had she done?_

* * *

 **Here's the first chapter. I plan to start posting once a week, maybe more depending on how this fic is perceived. Like I said at the top, please feel free to leave a review, follow, or PM if you want :)**

 **Special thanks to A.K. Hunter who helped tons not just with edits, but with keeping me motivated as well. Please check out her stories if you like Rylexis, she's so talented when it comes to writing for them.**

 **Hope to hear what you think!**


	2. Chapter 2

What had he done?

One simple kiss on the cheek and, before he knew it, he was having sex with Alexis? What was he thinking? He wasn't. That was it, he wasn't thinking. He let her talk him into it. He should have been stronger. He should have known better. Not only had he just fucked his best friend's daughter, but he managed to cheat on his wife as well.

What the fuck was wrong with him? Kevin felt as if he had just spent the last hour fundamentally ruining his life. He had just severed his chances of making his marriage work. He had definitely just destroyed his friendship with Castle.

He looked over to Alexis with what he was sure was a look of confusion. She returned it. Suddenly, he wasn't so sure whether she had talked him into it, or if he had talked her into it. Her eyes were wide and she looked like she had just witnessed a crime.

He looked down, no longer able to look at her. He was going to hell for this. He wasn't sure what to do. Should he apologize? If he apologized would that make things worse? He sighed and leaned forward. What the hell did he get himself into now? How could he have let this happen?

The quiet was shattered when they heard a voice from downstairs. "Alexis! Are you awake?"

Kevin and Alexis' eyes connected immediately. Yes, he was definitely going to hell. Castle would make sure of it.

Alexis shot off the bed, scrambling as she grabbed clothes. She tossed Kevin's clothes to him. "Stay here!" she whispered angrily, throwing her clothes on. "I'll go talk to him."

"Alexis!" Castle's voice boomed and she jumped. She left a second later. This was bad. So bad.

Kevin started getting dressed. He should have just left once he knew Castle wasn't there. He sat down on the bed and sighed. He was still married and just had sex with someone who wasn't his wife.

Alexis needed to focus and act natural. Then everything would be fine. Her lie came to one piece at a time as she headed to the stairs. She'd been sleeping, innocently, just like Kevin- no, Detective Ryan. She and Detective Ryan had been sleeping in separate rooms, separate beds. There was nothing inappropriate going on between them. She took a deep breath, praying that her dad would believe her.

"Dad?" she called out in an unsure voice as she reached the bottom of the stairs.

"Did we wake you?" Castle asked, coming into view.

She nodded, running her hands through her hair, which was sticking up all over the place. At least she had a cover story for that.

Castle and Kate looked worn out, maybe they would just go to bed and Detective Ryan could sneak out.

"I'm sorry sweetie," he said, coming over and kissing her head. "Why are you sweating? Are you sick?" He backed away slowly.

"No, it's just hot," she said, which wasn't technically a lie.

"Why'd you leave the door unlocked, honey?" he asked. "You know to lock it."

"Yeah," she sighed. "I just got distracted."

"By?"

"Detective Ryan," she kind of stuttered and cursed at herself for it.

Both Castle and Kate looked at her, confused.

"He was here?" Castle asked.

"He still is," she corrected and tried to remain calm. "He said he needed a place to sleep for the night, so I told him he could sleep in the guest room." She was surprised at how casual her voice sounded. Maybe she could do this. Maybe lying wasn't so hard. "That's okay, right? I mean, I don't think he had anywhere else to go."

"Why not?" he asked.

She wasn't going to spill the news about him and Jenny. "I don't know, he didn't say, but he looked like a wreck." That also wasn't a lie.

"Oh," he said, looking to Kate then back to his daughter. "I guess I will just talk to him when he wakes up."

Alexis nodded, then changed the subject. The sooner the conversation ended, the better."Why are you guys back? Did something happen?"

"No," Kate answered. "I just got a little sick, so we decided to come back." Alexis noticed Kate eyeing her pretty hard.

She looked away from her looked back to Castle. "I'm sorry," she apologized.

"Don't worry about it. I'm sure it's just temporary." Kate's eyes met Alexis' one last time before turning to Castle. "I'm beat," she said rubbing his arm. "You tired Castle?"

"Like you wouldn't believe," he smiled to her and then to Alexis. "Goodnight sweetie."

"Goodnight, dad." She reached up and kissed his cheek. "Goodnight Kate."

"Goodnight Alexis." Kate didn't look at Alexis as she said it. Did she know something? Was it written on her face? Alexis was then reminded that Kate was a detective; the brunette was used to reading faces. Alexis was so dead.

Alexis quickly went up the stairs and stopped at the guest room. Should she bother telling him the coast was clear or just go to bed? She hated it, but she knocked on the door. Ryan opened the door slowly until he saw it was her. "Is everything okay?" he asked, looking very worried.

She nodded. "I think so. They are in bed for the night." She bit her lip. Should she warn him about Kate's stares?

"What is it?" he asked.

"I think Kate might know."

"What?" His voice raised and she shushed him immediately. "What?" he whispered.

"She didn't say anything, but she was giving me weird looks. What could that mean?"

"Anything, I suppose. She didn't say anything at all?"

She shook her head. "She was acting weird, though, so I don't know."

He nodded. "It's probably nothing. So, do you think the coast is clear?"

He wanted to leave? Of course he did. He was probably disgusted by her. She had acted like a complete slut.

"You want to leave?" she asked.

He looked away. "I think I should. I mean, I don't think staying here is going help anything. I don't want to get roped into having breakfast in the morning." he joked, but neither of them laughed.

She sighed. Why would she expect anything more at this point? She'd already forced herself on him. "Yeah, you should go."

"Okay." He walked over to the bed and grabbed his jacket. "I, uh-"

She stopped him. She didn't need this; she didn't need to hear whatever he wanted to say. "Be quiet on the stairs."

He nodded and sighed. "Alexis-"

"Just go."

He left in a hurry. As he walked away Alexis was hit with his scent. She inhaled and then shook her head. She walked back to her room, wanting nothing more than to just cry.

She was a terrible, manipulative person. She'd just had sex with a distraught married man. Who was she? How could she have acted like that? How could she be such a slut? How could she have forced him into that?

She closed her bedroom door and slid down it as tears streamed down her face.

* * *

Kevin made his way back to his apartment, unable to shake the feelings of guilt. He had cheated on Jenny. Sure, she had cheated on him first, but that didn't give him a pass. She had hurt him, and he'd retaliated by hurting her too.

Despite her trespass, he didn't hate her. She was his wife. He had known her for four years; he cared about her. He didn't want to make her feel as bad as he did. She didn't need to live with that kind of pain. He wouldn't allow that. He would just own up to what he did. He wouldn't do it maliciously. He would do it calmly.

He opened the door, already feeling nervous. This wasn't going to be easy. He walked in and took off his jacket. He was thankful that the scent of Alexis' perfume had faded on the walk home. Was it perfume or was that just the way she smelled? A memory of cherries and vanilla presented itself, and he shook his head, disposing of it and trying to focus on the situation at hand.

"Jenny?" he called out, wondering if she was even still there. Maybe she had left.

"Kevin!" Jenny appeared into the hallway. She looked exhausted; she was wearing one of his old shirts. Her hair was up, but it looked like a mess. She'd been crying, evidenced by the mascara running down her face. He instantly felt bad. She had been here all night crying and he, well, he wasn't crying for her, that was for sure. He sighed at himself.

"You came back?" She sniffled.

How was he supposed to do this when she was crying? Was that his punishment?

"Yeah, I just needed to clear my head and think," he said, putting his hands in his pockets and leaning against the wall.

"I was worried. Where did you go?"

He swallowed thickly. "I, uh, just needed to get away for awhile. I went to Castle's."

She nodded and moved closer. "How are you?" she asked, stopping a couple feet away from him. Her eyes locked on his. He couldn't meet them. He couldn't look into her eyes, not now, not after what he did.

"We need to talk," he said, ignoring her question.

"I agree."

No sense dragging this out. "We need to talk about us, about everything. I just don't know where to start."

"What do you mean? We can work through this," she sounded desperate, which made his heart ache. "We can go to counseling."

He shook his head. "I don't think we need counseling."

She came forward, shaking her head. "No. Kevin, I know I screwed up. I did something horrible." She broke into tears. He closed his eyes and looked away. "We can work this out. Kevin, I'm sorry! Don't do this. We can fix this."

He kept his eyes away from her. "We can?"

"Yes, we can. Of course we can," she said, coming to stand right in front of him. "I know you, Kevin. You are just upset and confused right now, and I get that, but I know you. You still love me."

"Jenny, I need to tell you something,"

"I love you. I do, more than anything. I just got confused and gave into something I shouldn't have. I let myself think it was right, but it wasn't. It was wrong. So wrong." Her hands flew around him as her lips crashed against his.

He thought his first reaction would be to pull away, but he didn't. He stood there and kissed her back. He didn't know if it was out of habit or because he loved her. He kissed her back firmly as she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her. She had said exactly what he was thinking. He was weak earlier, so weak, but could she really use that as an excuse as well? She cheated first. He was heartbroken, that's why he was weak enough to cheat on her.

"I love you," she said as she pulled away. "I want you. Just you."

He looked into her eyes and saw a glimmer of hope in them.

"Jenny, I need to tell you something before we decide anything."

"What is it?" she asked wiping her eyes.

He pulled her with him as he moved to the couch. No sense beating around the bush, not now, when he had this huge confession weighing him down. "I was hurt when I left earlier. I wasn't thinking clearly. I-" he stopped, looking at her. Would she be able to forgive him? "I did something—something really bad."

"What do you mean?" she asked rubbing his hand and her other hand moved up his chest. He removed her hand and held it in his.

"I cheated."

"Cheated?"

He nodded. "I cheated on you and it was wrong. I wasn't thinking rationally; I was just hurting and needed to find a way to make the pain stop," he confessed looking into her eyes. Her look of disgust quickly faded into confusion.

"You said that you went to Rick's. Was that a lie?"

"No." He shook his head. "That's where I was."

"Then how-" she looked up at him. "Kate?" He didn't understand at first, until she asked again. "You slept with Kate?"

"No!" he shouted, then quieted down. "No, I didn't sleep with Beckett." How could she think that?

"I don't understand. If you were there, and didn't sleep with Kate, who did you sleep with?"

He looked down for a moment. He wasn't sure how he could say it.

"No," she gasped. "Please tell me you didn't sleep with her."

He looked up and nodded.

"Rick's daughter? Is she even legal?"

"She's younger. Nineteen, I believe."

She didn't say anything, but a look of pain crossed her face and settled in.

He felt worse than he did before he told her. "I told you, I was hurting."

"I don't understand, Kevin."

"I don't either. It was like my brain turned off. I was hurt and allowed myself to give in."

"With her?"

"I know." He hung his head. "I know."

"Does Rick know?"

"No. If he knew, I'd be dead right now."

She nodded and turned to him. "It didn't mean anything, did it? I mean, you don't have any feelings for her?"

"No, I don't."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, it was just sex. Nothing more."

She cringed, but nodded. "I know what you mean."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I mean it hurts to know this, but I did it too. We both messed up. I can't put it all on you." She looked up to him. "My brain turned off too. I guess I was just feeling left out of your life."

"I never wanted that. I know I work a lot, but I do it—not only because I feel the need to serve and give back—but because I want to give you the life you want. I want to make you happy." He did. He knew he worked hard, and it was tough on her. He wasn't exactly thrilled with the way she'd dealt with her resentment, but he still loved her. How could he not? She was his wife.

"I'm sorry, Kevin."

"I'm sorry, too."

She looked at him, her frown was disappearing. "Do you want to stay together? Do you want to work at this?"

He sighed. This was her telling him she wanted to be with him. Maybe she didn't forgive him, which was okay, because he wasn't sure he forgave her, not yet. He did, however, want to try and make this work. The anger was still there, but it wasn't blinding anymore. He didn't want this to be the end for them.

"I do," he answered.

"Me too," she sighed. They sat there on the couch for awhile. They didn't have anymore words for the moment and that was okay. They had already said everything they needed to.

* * *

 **The Next Day**

Things were still awkward with Jenny and Kevin, which was to be expected. They had to get used to the new circumstances of their relationship. A lot had changed, so it would take awhile for them to get back to where they once were.

"Need a coffee break bro?" Javi asked as he got up.

Kevin shook is head. "No, man, I'm fine," he replied, keeping his focus on the paperwork in front of him.

He hadn't told Javi about anything. Not because he didn't trust him, he just knew reliving the whole situation would lead to negative thoughts and feelings and he was done with those. He just wanted to move forward, not go through the past over and over again.

Besides that, he knew he couldn't just tell his partner that Jenny cheated. Kevin would have to tell Javi what he did and if he told him about that, he would have tell who it was with and, well, he knew Javi's reaction wouldn't be positive.

Kevin forced the thought away and got back to his paperwork. It was hard to focus. Last night, with so much happening, he didn't get any sleep. He was finding it hard to keep himself from drifting off.

"Bro, you okay?"

"Yeah, why?"

"You look bored and tired."

"Well, I am doing paperwork, and I didn't get much sleep last night. All things considered, I should look normal."

Javi laughed. "Why didn't you get any sleep?"

Kevin froze for a second. "Just couldn't get comfortable and I wasn't all that tired."

"Well, you have a beautiful wife, I am sure she could have helped," he said, sitting a coffee down on Kevin's desk.

"I didn't want any."

"Just in case."

Before he could thank him, Beckett approached his desk. He looked up with a small smile.

"Can I talk to you privately?" She asked, shooting a glare to an interested Javi. He went back to his desk.

Why would she want to talk to him? Fuck! She knew! Kevin's heart raced and suddenly he was no longer tired.

"Uh, sure," he said, hoping and praying for a miracle. Maybe he was wrong. He got up and followed her into the observation room. She closed the door once they were both in.

"Okay, so I know that this is none of my business," she started and Kevin knew immediately that his prayers weren't going to be answered,"but I am dating Castle, and what affects him, affects me too. Alexis wouldn't come out of her room this morning. Castle went to check on her and she was crying."

He felt a twinge in his stomach. She was crying? Why would she do that? Was it because of him? Dumb question. Of course it was. He sighed and looked down.

Beckett continued, "He's worried about her and keeps asking me for advice and I don't know what to tell him."

Kevin decided to play dumb. "And you are asking me for advice?"

She sighed. "Don't do that. We both know why she is upset."

"When did you figure that out?"

"She was being flighty and acting very nervous. She was sweaty and blushed when she said your name," she sighed. "She's not good at lying. She's also lucky I was the only one to spot the hickey on her neck." She snapped her fingers. "Or maybe, just maybe, it was because I found a pair of panties in the guest room, which you were sleeping in. That enough evidence?"

He bit his lip. "Beckett-"

"What the hell, Ryan? Castle's daughter?" He motioned for her to lower her voice, which she did. "What happened?"

"You already know what happened," he said, with a bit of bitterness. He really didn't want to talk about this, especially not with Beckett. She could go straight to Castle.

"Why did it happen? I thought you were over the moon with Jenny? What changed?"

He sighed. "We were going through a rough patch."

"So you used Alexis?"

"No!" he yelled, then sighed. "I know it looks that way, but I would never do that to her."

"Then what the hell was it?"

"She knew what was happening. She knew it didn't mean anything."

"Yeah, I'm sure she did." Sarcasm flew off her tongue and it filled him with anger.

"She did," he stated, firmly. "She isn't a child. Hell, she's never been a child."

"If she could handle it, then why is she locked in her room crying?"

He bit his lip and turned away, running his hands through his hair. Why did she have to remind him? "I don't know, maybe it all hit her this morning." He was starting to think he should do something, but he was right. Alexis was an adult. She'd be fine. It probably wouldn't be the best to talk to her anyway. "Why didn't you tell Castle?" he asked, turning back to her.

"You know why."

"Well, I guess you could tell him, I mean, if you wanted. Jenny already knows, may as well get Castle in on it too."

"Jenny knows?"

"Told her last night. Are you going to tell him?"

She hesitated before shaking her head. "No, I'm not."

"Why not? I just told you that you could."

"It's not my place to tell him. That should come from you or Alexis. Also, I know you are a good guy and that Castle values your friendship a lot. I don't want that to change."

He nodded and gave her a weak smile. "Neither do I. Thank you."

"Don't thank me. Just hope Castle doesn't get it out of Alexis, because if he does I might not be able to save you."

Kevin gulped, knowing she was right.

* * *

 **Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who followed and reviewed this story, it means a lot! Please keep letting me know what you think :)**


	3. Chapter 3

Martha wasn't giving Alexis any time to think about her current task before giving her another. Martha was in charge, and she had a list of a hundred demands—half of which were being thrown into Alexis' unready hands. Alexis was starting to regret her decision to help her grandmother with the play she was putting on, but Alexis wanted the distraction. She liked having something to do, something to keep her mind busy, but she was beginning to wear thin.

"Alexis dear, I need you to make sure that the lights are working. We are scheduled for our first rehearsal tomorrow night, and I don't want anything to prevent it from being perfect," Martha explained.

"Okay Gram, but afterwards I think I am going to go home. I'm not feeling all that well." It wasn't a lie. Alexis had been feeling progressively worse over the last few weeks.

"Okay, sweetheart. Just check the lights and find Jake. I will need him to take care of everything I gave you to do, okay?"

Alexis nodded, walking off the stage. She loved her grandmother very much, but Martha was quickly becoming obsessed with every little thing, which meant there was no room for flaws of any kind.

After checking the lights and finding Jake, Alexis left. She thought she might be sick from the salad she had for lunch, but she wasn't sure. Maybe if she went home and relaxed she'd feel better.

After going home and taking a shower, she still wasn't feeling any better. She still had a rotting feeling inside of her. It got this way sometimes when she was about to start her period. She went into her room to check her calendar. Maybe she could go to the drug store and get something to ease the nausea.

She grabbed her calendar, confused when she realized she hadn't marked her last cycle. She always did. She looked back and her last cycle was marked five weeks ago.

She tried to remember it. She hadn't had her period since she'd moved into her own apartment, not liking the way it felt living back at the loft. Kate would stare at her and Alexis was almost completely sure that Kate knew that something happened between her and Kevin. She couldn't live there, couldn't take those stares. She needed space, so she quickly moved out.

Castle hadn't given her much of a fight on it. He told her that he just wanted her to be happy. She smiled a little, thinking about how excited he was when he first came over and saw her place. He did demand that she let him help her with her first month's rent, which she allowed mostly for his benefit.

She had been living there for a little over two weeks. She rubbed her stomach, which was doing flips. Alexis sat up straight, fear entering her body. She didn't want to go down that path, automatically assuming the worst, so she wouldn't. No. No. That wasn't what was happening here.

She'd feel better tomorrow, she told herself. She grabbed a ginger ale out of the refrigerator and a small packet of crackers. It was time to get some sleep. She had a busy day tomorrow. Martha needed her down at the school to help with setting up equipment and decorations. Like most days, she was there and ready to help in any way.

Alexis was strict with herself. She never allowed herself to think about Kevin or that night. She kept busy, keeping her mind away from the thoughts that would make her feel terrible about herself. Instead she dived into any projects she could find, until she could no longer take it.

She climbed into her bed, deciding that sleep was what she needed. She'd feel brand new in the morning.

* * *

Alexis woke up in an uncomfortable position on the bathroom floor, her head propped up on the edge of the toilet seat. She had been in there most of the night and into the morning. She didn't think it was possible to get that sick. What could have set it off?

She sat up and crawled over to the sink, wetting a washcloth. She placed it over her forehead and allowed the coolness to settle over her body. It felt so good. She sat there a few moments before slowly trying to get up. When she stood up, she was surprised that she felt normal. Not like last night, when she got up and sprinted for the bathroom while the whole room spun.

She got a drink of water and went to lay back down in her bed, not sure if this was just a temporarily feeling. She felt tired and weak anyway. Something about the way she felt, made her think it was more than just a bad salad, and she hadn't started her period, so she thought it might have been something else entirely.

She nervously tapped her fingers on her bed sheets. She couldn't seem to get it out of her head. There was no way that she could be—she couldn't even think the word. Definitely not. There was no need to be concerned.

She reached over, still denying everything, and grabbed her cell, unplugging it from the charger. Her stomach twinged a little. She scrolled through her contacts until she found the number.

"Hey, Alexis." A voice answered after four rings.

"Hey." Alexis replied and then cleared her throat, realizing how raw her voice sounded.

"Are you okay?"

"I don't know. I need you to pick me up something and come over as soon as you can."

It all came down to this. They were in Alexis' bathroom. She had spent the last minute nervously biting on her thumbnail and pacing while Kate leaned against the door frame.

She couldn't focus on anything else but the test sitting on the sink. Kate was keeping track on the time.

"How much longer?" Alexis asked, still not looking away from the test.

"Forty-five seconds."

She groaned. "Why is this taking so long?"

"Don't be nervous. We don't know anything yet."

"I'm not nervous." She stopped and turned to the detective. "I'm not pregnant."

Kate's face scrunched. "Then why are you taking a test?"

"I don't know. I just want some reassurance." She nervously bit on her nail again. "Time?"

"It's time."

She took a deep breath. It's okay. You're not pregnant. You'd feel it if you were. She told herself as she closed her eyes picking up the test. Please, don't be pregnant.

She opened her eyes and gasped.

Kate's voice called out, but Alexis couldn't hear it because her focus was on the pink plus sign in front of her eyes.

"No," she said, blinking, praying that her eyes were playing games with her. She looked over and over again with no change. "No."

"Alexis!" Her arm was shaking. She looked down to see that Kate's hand was shaking it. "Alexis, it's okay."

"No, it isn't." How could she say that? "Look." She held up the test. "How is that okay?"

"Let's go sit down. You just need to relax."

"How can I do that?"

She lead Alexis into the living room, making her take a seat. "You don't need to panic because this was just a home pregnancy test. To be sure, you should see a doctor. That's the most accurate way."

Did that mean there was still hope? Hope that this was just stomach virus? Hope that this wouldn't change everything? She wouldn't have to tell Castle and see the look of disappointment on his face. Was there still hope that things wouldn't have to change her and Kevin's lives?

She groaned. "I need to make an appointment as soon as I can."

"Don't worry, I'll help you with it," Kate smiled, but she couldn't force herself to return it.

* * *

 **A few days later...**

This wasn't good. This wasn't good at all. How was she going to do this? How did anyone expect her to be able to do this. It was too much. Way too much.

She had to tell Kevin that she was pregnant with a child that was part his.

She had to tell Castle, not just that she was pregnant, but everything. He'd have to find out that it was Kevin's. She'd have to get used to the changes associated with being pregnant. Which meant getting sick everyday.

She'd have to do everything she could to take care of another person for the next eighteen years.

She told Kate that she wanted to be left alone. She knew she would break down, and she didn't want a witness for the whole thing. She told Alexis to call if she needed anything. All she needed was to rewind the clock and go back to that night. She shouldn't have insisted on making Kevin stay. She should have let him leave. Why didn't she?

She dropped her head in her hands and took deep breaths, trying to stop herself from crying. This couldn't be happening. She couldn't do this. She couldn't. Kevin was going to hate her. The tears came and she couldn't stop them. She didn't want to.

"Ryan, can we talk for a minute?" Beckett asked, walking past his desk.

"Sure." He followed her over to the murder board. "Is it about the financials on Holly Decker? Because I haven't gotten anything back."

"No." She shook her head. "I actually wanted to talk to you about Alexis." He froze for a minute, remembering their last conversation concerning Alexis. It wasn't a great one.

"Alexis?"

Beckett moved a little closer. "Have you talked to her?"

Talked to her? Why would he do that? He sighed. "No, why?" Had something happened to her?

"Something is going on, and I think you need to go see her," she said, gaining his full attention.

"What?"

"She's going through something right now."

"Like what?"

"Not my place to say."

He shook his head in confusion. "Then why are you bringing it up?"

"Because I think you should find out for yourself."

"I told you, Beckett. I haven't talked to her since that night."

"Then go to her apartment. She's scared and insecure right now. You should go to her place and talk to her."

"What could I possibly do to help her? I doubt she'd even want to see me."

She sighed. "Ryan, you really need to talk to her. You'll know why I came to you when you find out."

"Find out what?"

Beckett sighed. "Go find out."

"I don't even know where she lives."

Beckett walked over to her desk, writing something down. Why would he go see Alexis? What could he possibly do to help her? Was she feeling bad about what happened between them? He sighed. He really didn't want to pick at that scab.

"Here." Beckett returned with a post-it note. "She really needs to talk, and I know you could help her."

Kevin felt guilt rush over him. Maybe Beckett was right. He did drag her into his messy life and just left her without talking about it. If it was affecting her in a negative way, he had to try and makes things better. Alexis deserved his help.

"I'll go after work."

She nodded with a exhale. "Good."

* * *

He wasn't sure how to go about this. He was nervous. Beckett had better have given him good advice or else this was going to be very awkward. He knocked on her door and took a deep breath.

She opened the door and the look in her eyes told him that Beckett's advice was probably not the best. She looked surprised and a little scared. Her hair was in a messy ponytail, and she looked like she hadn't slept in a while. Kevin was torn. Part of him wanted to leave because maybe he couldn't help her with whatever she was going through, but the other part of him wanted to help her. She looked scared, and his instincts pushed him into wanting to help her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked in a weak voice.

"Um, I was actually sent here."

Her facial expression hadn't changed. She still looked confused and anxious. "This isn't really a good time."

"What's going on?" He was there and it took a lot of courage, so he wasn't leaving until they talked.

She hesitated. "I'm just going through some things right now, and I think it would be best if I dealt with them alone for the time being."

He shook his head. "I don't think that has helped so far." He hoped she wouldn't be mad. "If you are going through some things right now, I'd be happy to help."

She stared at him for a while. He could tell her mind was somewhere else. "I don't know, Kevin. I don't think you want to know what's going on."

"Well, I have a feeling it has to do with me, so please let me help you." She didn't say anything. Clearly this wasn't going to be easy. "I'm not going anywhere until we talk, so you may as well invite me in."

She sighed and moved over, motioning him in. He didn't waste any time. She was cooperating and he wasn't sure how long that would last, so he couldn't do this the slow way.

Her apartment looked disheveled. She must really being going through some thing rough. He turned to face her and she didn't look quite like herself. She had her arms wrapped around herself. What was she afraid of?

"Please tell me what's wrong."

She didn't move or make an indication that she had heard him.

"Alexis."

"I'm pregnant." She blurted out so fast she seemed as shocked as he was.

Pregnant? Well, he wouldn't have guessed that. He hadn't even known she was seeing anyone, not that it would be any of his business. It wasn't. She could see whoever she wanted. He shook his head. This wasn't about him.

"Well, that's," he stopped. What could he say? Great? Awesome? Obviously she didn't think the news warranted that kind of reaction, but he also didn't want to make her feel any worse. "I'm here if you need someone to talk to."

She gave him a confused look. Maybe she didn't want to talk to him about it.

"You're not freaking out?" she asked.

"I'm a little surprised, but why would I freak out? This isn't about me. It's about you." He walked a little closer, not quite sure why he did, but he felt like he needed to be close to her.

"Of course it's about you. It's about the both of us."

What the hell was she saying? How was this about him? Them? There was no them. How could it be about him, he wasn't the one who was going to—No. That wasn't possible. It couldn't be. His eyes snapped to hers, and she still had a look of confusion on her face.

"What?"

"It's yours," she confirmed and Kevin instantly felt like he was going to be sick.

He stuttered, "What? What's mine?"

She pursed her lips and looked down at her feet. "I'm four weeks pregnant. You're the father." She said the words so casually that she had to be joking. Was that why she couldn't make eye contact with him? Was she trying to not to laugh?

He shook his head. "Okay, I don't get it, but good job freaking me out. Pretty crude joke, but to each their own, I guess."

"Joke? Kevin," she sighed. "this isn't a joke."

"It has to be a joke. This can't be real. It can't be. We used a condom."

"I thought that at first too, but thinking back, we were moving pretty fast, so we didn't stop for that."

He shook his head. Of course they had used a condom. He was reckless that night, but not that reckless. "Yes, we did."

"Whatever you need to believe, but that fact still stands that I am pregnant."

He mentally played through that night. He had to have had enough sense to prevent this from happening. He remembered kissing her in the hallway, pushing her away, going into the guest room, clothes being removed, kissing her neck, her hands moving across his back, her moans and gasps. He shook his head. That wasn't helping.

"What about that guy who had just broken up with you?"

"I never slept with him."

"You didn't."

She shook her head. "That's probably why he cheated anyway." She sighed. "I know this a lot to take in, I'm still having trouble believing it."

"Are you even sure?"

"Yes, I took a pregnancy test that was positive,"

"Those aren't always accurate." She had to know that.

"I know, that's why we decided I should go see a doctor. That's when I knew for sure. I did the math and the only person I have slept with in that timeline is you."

"We? Who else knows about this?"

She bit her lip, nervously.

He let out a bitter laugh, before shaking his head. "Of course, that's why she had me come over here." He rubbed his head.

"She told you to come over here?"

This couldn't be happening. He was just dreaming this. He ran his hand through his hair. "I have to go."

"What?" she asked, stepping closer to him.

"I can't be here right now. I can't do this, I—," he stammered. "I have to go, I'm sorry." He quickly left the apartment before he could be stopped.

* * *

Anger had long taken over Kevin. It started when Jenny confessed her infidelity and it never really went away. He had done his fair share in causing that anger to grow. He didn't know if their marriage would work. Sometimes he wasn't even sure he loved Jenny anymore or if she loved him. Maybe it was fear that made them stay with each other. Like giving up on their marriage was admitting that they were failures. Maybe they stayed because it was what was comfortable. Kevin was angry mostly because he knew they had both failed each other. Jenny cheated on him and instead of staying and working on their marriage, he left and did the same thing to her.

Sleeping with Alexis wasn't something he was proud of. It would be easy to push the blame on her. She was a young, beautiful woman, who was more than willing to let him do whatever he wanted to her, but he couldn't blame her. He made his own decisions. Those decisions he made that night were coming back at full speed to bite him on the ass.

He knew he was stupid and reckless; he'd accepted his part in his and Alexis' current situation. The thing that angered him at this particular moment was that the one person who could have helped him in getting prepared for that encounter with Alexis neglected to do so. Beckett practically pushed him into it with no warning as to what was about to change for him. They'd covered each others' backs for years. He never once questioned her being there for him when he needed her, but now he felt betrayed and he needed to tell her exactly how he felt.

He went straight to Castle's. He needed to get all this anger and confusion out in the open. Holding it in was making him sick.

He got to Castle's loft and knocked. If Castle was there, he'd speak to Beckett privately, feigning a problem at work.

Beckett opened the door and her expression, once seeing a disheveled and obviously mad Kevin, made her smile melt away.

"Kevin? What are you doing here?" she asked, taking a step back.

"You have some nerve asking me what I am doing here!" Kevin couldn't hold back his anger, he wasn't going to go easy on her.

"I take it you talked to Alexis," Beckett said, closing the door.

"Yeah, and thanks you, I went into that situation totally unprepared."

"What?"

"You knew! You knew and you didn't tell me!"

"It wasn't my news to share."

"So you lead me to her and let me blindly walk into a mind-shattering situation?" He wasn't sure he could calm down. He'd started and now it was like he couldn't stop yelling. Placing blame. "You're supposed to be my friend. My partner! How could you not give me a heads up about something like that?"

"What was I supposed to say, Kevin?" She moved a little closer to him and he threw his hands up in response.

"Let's see, 'Alexis is pregnant, and you're the father, Kevin.' You could have said that!" Everything went silent and Kevin saw Beckett's eyes grow wider. It wasn't because of him, he knew. Beckett didn't startle when being grilled. She actually thrived on it. He envied her for it. He noticed her eyes weren't on him, but looking over his shoulder. He turned around and nearly threw up where he stood. Every part of him wanted to run, unfortunately, his body wouldn't allow it. He couldn't deal with this—not now. Not in his current state. His eyes were stuck on the death stare he was getting from a stunned Castle, who was standing in the doorway.

Kevin's heart nearly stopped as Castle stepped forward. His eyes never left Kevin's.

"What did you say?" Castle's words filled the air and Kevin felt his stomach flip.


	4. Chapter 4

Kevin wasn't sure how to explain anything at that point. Too much was running through his mind. He wasn't sure he himself understood what had just occurred. It was like he had left his body and floated above himself, watching it all play out. Thanks to Kevin not being able to control his anger and frustration, Castle had found out. He didn't even have time to process Alexis being pregnant, let alone her father standing there looking at him with a stare that could have caused anyone to cringe. He had no time to do or think of anything, before Castle started asking questions. Kevin had no control over his body or mind. It was as if his mind had shut down, because there was too much going on all at once. Kevin was surprised he didn't faint.

He remembered Beckett trying her hardest to keep Castle's anger at bay, but it didn't work, all that did was cause Castle to get even more angry, something Kevin didn't know was possible. He remembered a faint scream from Beckett and then a sensation across his jaw as he fell to the floor. All the air in his body had vanished and Kevin wished at that point he would wake up from this dreadful nightmare. He had no such luck.

Castle threatened him and tried to hit him again, but Beckett stood over Kevin, protecting him. She reasoned with Castle. She told him something about his anger making things harder on Alexis. Something about how he needed to restrain his anger because it wasn't about him.

Kevin quickly left as Castle backed down. Kevin had never been afraid of Castle. Castle was always someone he found to be level headed. He should have guessed finding out that his daughter was pregnant with a married man's child wasn't going to get a gentle reaction from him, but he was still surprised by the punch, even if he did deserve it. He deserved many more, if he was being honest with himself.

How was he supposed to process this all? How was he supposed to come to terms with what had just happened? How was he supposed to tell Jenny? It was impossible to have to do this, but he couldn't pity himself. He was the one who made all of this possible. He couldn't hate anyone—just himself.

Kevin walked back to his apartment. He needed to face this music. He had just found he was going to be a father and had been punched in his face. How could the night get any worse for him?

When he walked into the apartment, Jenny called out, "Babe, is that you?"

"Uh, yeah," he called back, trying to decide how to explain this whole thing. He didn't have much hope that things would go smoothly. He moved into the kitchen, where Jenny was. He leaned against the entryway.

"What happened? Did you go to Javi's?"

"No, I went to see Alexis."

Jenny's hands, which were cutting up tomatoes, stopped.

"You did what?" She turned around to face him, and that was when she saw the bruise. "Kevin, what happened to your face? Did she do that? Why were you even with her?"

He sighed, "Castle punched me."

Jenny's face softened a bit and then a frown covered her mouth. "Did he find out what happened?"

Kevin nodded.

"How?"

He shook his head. He wasn't going to lie. "I let it slip out in front of him."

"I still don't get why you went to see Alexis."

"Beckett told me that Alexis was going through something—that she was scared. So I assumed she was just having a hard time with what happened between us." He sighed. He didn't want to talk about this, but he had no choice. "I went over there to try and help her."

Jenny's frown deepened.

"She wasn't sad about that. Not entirely."

"What?" Jenny asked in a tone that made Kevin think she didn't really want to know.

His eyes connected with Jenny's and he shook his head. How could he tell her?

"She's pregnant."

Jenny's eyes widened and Kevin's heart started to race. He had done it; he told her. It didn't feel good, but he had to do it.

"No." She shook her head. "No, Kevin—tell me it's not yours. Please, tell me."

He looked away, not able to see her looking at him that way.

"I'm so sorry."

She exhaled loudly. He bit his lip.

"How?"

"You know how."

"You didn't use–"

"No, we didn't."

Her eyes filled with tears and she backed away from him. He had already told her the hard part; he may as well tell her everything.

"She told me and I freaked. I ran out, went to see Beckett, and before I knew it I had accidentally told Castle and he punched me." He didn't know if she was listening. She kept shaking her head, repeating the word no.

"How could you?"

"I don't know. I wasn't thinking obviously."

"She's sure she's pregnant? Maybe she isn't."

"She is." He was caught off guard at her attempt to hope. "She went to a doctor to make sure."

"She's sure it's yours?"

Kevin nodded, knowing each question she asked would lead to more heartache in the end.

Jenny turned her back to him and walked back over to the kitchen counter, holding onto the edges. Soon her body began to shake, and he knew she was crying. He expected it, but it still made him cringe a bit.

He wanted to say something make her feel better, try to find some kind of silver lining, but he knew there wasn't one. It just was what it was, which was possibly the one thing that could pull him and Jenny apart for good.

Not that he really thought things were perfect between them. Nothing was really the way it used to be between them. Deep down, Kevin was waiting for something to happen, and here it was, out in the open.

Jenny had said she could forgive him for cheating since she had done the same, but now—now everything was different and he knew there was little hope that she could forgive him for this. If he were in her shoes, he didn't think he'd be tolerant enough to forgive her.

He started to think of his sleeping options, because by the look of things and the hurt on Jenny's face, he wasn't going to be staying there.

* * *

How did things escalate so fast? How could everyone know? How could everything be out in the open when she had only told two people?

Kate had called Alexis and told her everything that had happened. Not too long after that phone conversation, Castle showed up at Alexis' place. He was very unhappy. She had barely gotten any words out before Castle had already made up his mind. He told her to stay away from Kevin, to not let this hold her back. He wanted her to move back to the loft.

She had been so angry that she told him that it was her life, not his. He couldn't make her decisions for her. All she needed from him was his love and support, and if he couldn't give her those two things, then he could leave. She was furious that it had reached that place.

It felt like her life was imploding and she was the only one there to clean everything up. She felt the lowest she had ever felt. She was sad, angry and scared.

It had been three days since Alexis had seen Kevin, and she wasn't sure what to do. Pretend he didn't exist? Try to reach him? She decided against calling him; she was too angry with him for that. He had left her when she could have used his support. How could he have done that?

A knock at her door snapped her back into the present. She sighed, walking to the door, mentally preparing herself for another confrontation with her dad.

Instead, when she opened the door she found nervous blue eyes staring at her. She didn't know what to do. She wasn't expecting to see Kevin at her door, especially after their last encounter.

She crossed her arms. "What do you want?"

"Can I come in?" he asked, giving her a pained look.

"Are you sure you want to?" He wasn't in the mood to stay earlier. What had changed?

Kevin sighed. "Please? I really want to talk to you."

"What about? Because a few days ago you said you couldn't handle this and ran off."

"I know." He frowned. "Please let me come in, so we can talk about it."

She moved back, keeping her arms crossed. "Nice bruise."

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry?"

"Yes. I'm sorry for what I did—leaving you after what you had just told me. I should have stayed."

"Woulda, coulda, shoulda."

"Come on, Alexis. Please don't be that way."

She bit her lip, trying control herself. "What way?"

"Unwilling to talk."

"I was willing to talk three days ago, remember? It was the day I told you I was pregnant with your child and then you just ran away." She gave into her anger and it felt good.

"It wasn't like that."

"That's exactly what it was. Why are you even here? Nothing has changed. I'm still pregnant, no need for you to stick around."

"Alexis, I had just found out, I wasn't ready to hear that. It wasn't exactly something I was able to process at that time," he tried.

She shook her head with a bitter laugh. "I wasn't ready when I found out either. The only difference was that I couldn't run away."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do."

"You're sorry? Do you honestly think that you saying that you're sorry makes everything better?" She couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"No, I don't."

"Good, because sorry will never be good enough. Never. I was scared and you have no idea how hard it was to tell you, but I did and you left. You just walked away!"

"I know. I know that was terrible. I shouldn't have left; I know that now. I just needed to clear my head. I didn't want to say or do the wrong thing."

Alexis laughed bitterly. "Yeah, because running away is always the right thing to do."

"I'm here now. I'm here, and I am not going to run away again."

"What about Jenny?"

"I told her."

Alexis' eyes widened and suddenly she wasn't sure if the bruise on his face was from Castle or Jenny. "You did?"

He nodded. "She wants a divorce."

Alexis looked away from him and sighed. She had officially done it; she had destroyed their marriage. She didn't say anything to him. What could she say?

"I'm not looking for pity. I'm just here to do step up to the plate. This isn't just your responsibility. Its mine as well."

Alexis chewed on her bottom lip, trying to decide how to move forward. She wasn't sure she could believe that he wouldn't bail on her again, but if he wanted to be in his child life, she couldn't stop that.

"I don't know. I mean, I can't stop you from being a part of his or her life, so if you want to be there, you can be, but I can't just put this behind me. Who knows, in a month or two you could change your mind and flake out."

He nodded with a frown. "All I am asking for is a chance to prove myself."

Alexis sighed. "Okay, but you should know that this isn't going to be easy. Dad's pissed."

"Trust me, I know." He pointed to the mark on his jaw.

She nodded. "So, how is this going to work?"

Kevin slipped his hands into his pockets. "Whatever you decide is appropriate."

"Well, maybe we should just try and wipe the slate clean, in a way. We don't mention anything that might cause a fight, because that will just make this whole thing more difficult. Agreed?"

He nodded. "Yeah, that sounds good." He wasn't looking her in the eyes. She was pretty sure he had been put through the ringer, so she didn't want to add to his sorrow.

"How involved do you want to be? Do you want to go to appointments with me?"

"Only if you would feel comfortable with it."

She nodded. "I don't have an appointment until two weeks from now. Maybe by that time, you could come."

He nodded. "Yeah, just let me know if you need anything."

"Like what?"

He shrugged. "Well, babies are expensive, so maybe I could help buy things?"

She gave him a quizzical look. "Haven't thought about it yet, but if I get the urge to start buying things, I'll let you know."

He exhaled and ran his hand through his hair.

A small wave of guilt settled over her. She was mad at him because of how he bailed on her, but she wasn't blind to the mess that was in front of her. He'd been through a lot and here he was, trying to find a way to make things easier on her. He looked like he hadn't slept since she had last seen him. He looked weak, but somehow he gathered the courage to come over and see her.

She moved forward a little, but he didn't notice. His mind was probably somewhere else. She noticed for the first time since he had come over that he was in a casual attire and there seemed to be no product in his hair. This was her first time seeing him look like this. He looked like he wasn't really there.

Guilt grew and she walked closer and wrapped her arms around him. She noticed his body tense, she wasn't surprised by it though. She didn't move. She just hugged him and slowly she felt his frame loosen and felt his arms wrap lightly around her.

She knew he needed the hug, but what came as a surprise to her was that she was finding the hug oddly comforting. She hadn't had a lot of people offering her support, so even the small gesture of a hug was something she found calming.

She backed away a few moments later, not wanting to make it too awkward between them. She already felt like they had reached their max. He gave her a confused look.

She shrugged her shoulders at herself. "I guess I could use your help getting this place ready. A lot of things need to be moved and I need to get rid of stuff. Maybe sometime this week you could come over and help?"

His confused looked was still on his face, but he nodded. "Of course."

"Alright, I'll give you a call."

"Right. I should probably go."

She nodded and watched him leave. A small part of her found comfort in knowing she wasn't all alone. She hoped it would stay that way.

She wasn't entirely ready for this, not as much as she lead on. She felt a little worried about everything. Every day made every single thing seem that much more real and she was terrified. She knew it was normal to feel scared about being pregnant. So much could happen. Good and bad. It put a lot of pressure on someone to know that they were responsible for making sure that everything worked out perfectly. Alexis felt that pressure. She felt the pressure that not only others put on her, but that she put on herself as well.

She had to eat enough, which was difficult before her because she didn't have much of an appetite. Every time someone brought over food, she thought she was going to be sick. Castle bought food for her whenever he felt like she needed more. She didn't want to complain, but her cabinets were stuffed. It would take her months to eat all the food.

Kevin brought her food, too. She found it easier to forgive him. She knew his worries weren't about her; it was about what was best for the baby. Their baby. Kevin made sure to see her a couple times a week, which was fine with her, because every time he came over he would clean her apartment. Sometimes he would come over and immediately start doing the dishes, or gather dirty clothes and start a load of laundry. It was just something less she had to do that day and she always thanked him for it, even though he acted as if it wasn't a big deal.

They had become friendly towards each other. She wasn't exactly past her anger, but it was getting better. They were both trying to make this whole weird situation work. She didn't want to be one of those people who threw others' failures in their face, so she made it a goal to never mention anything about their past. It was all about their future and how they were going to co-exist in each others lives.

* * *

 **Thank you guys for all the reviews! They mean so much! I'm so happy that you are all liking it so far. Your reviews are always appreciated :)**


	5. Chapter 5

Kevin and Beckett stood at the murder board. Beckett nervously bit at her bottom lip as Kevin cleared the board. He could feel her eyes on him.

"You have to tell him. This should be the easy part," Beckett tried to encourage him. Everyone knew but Javi and Lanie. Kevin knew he needed to tell him before Beckett or Castle let something slip.

"Easy? I've been lying to him for awhile. He doesn't even know about Alexis. He just knows that Jenny and I are getting divorced."

"Just tell him. What's the worst that could happen?"

"He could see me differently and it could affect the way we work together. Maybe he won't want to be partners with someone who isn't as loyal as he thought, and he'll ask Gates to have me transferred. Just what I need at this point." Kevin put his head in his hands and sighed. Telling Javi was more stressful than he thought. He figured at this point it might be easy, like Beckett seemed to think, but every time he went to tell Javi, knots twisted in his stomach and he always backed out of it.

"Ryan," Beckett's voice caught his attention. "You need to calm down. This is Javi we are talking about. You two are basically brothers. He'd take a bullet for you in a heartbeat. You really think this has the potential to ruin your friendship?"

Kevin sighed and hunched his shoulders. "I don't know. I just think he'll be mad because I didn't tell him from the start."

"Or he will understand and be there to offer you support."

Kevin couldn't help the little smile that pulled at his lips. Beckett had a knack for making things sound better than they really were.

"I should talk to him," Kevin nodded, but didn't move.

"It'll be fine." She tapped his shoulder. "You survived Castle, so this should be a piece of cake."

"Yeah, but I didn't walk away unscathed."

She smiled before walking away.

Kevin got up not too long after, going to find Javi. He needed to get it out in the open because he couldn't keep it a secret forever.

He had to wait because he found Javi and Castle talking and Kevin still wasn't sure about being around Castle. Things weren't bad between them, but they weren't good either. He tried to keep his distance unless it couldn't be avoided.

When Javi came out of the break room and he and Castle went separate ways, Kevin caught up with his partner.

"Hey," Kevin said, reaching him.

"Hey bro, what's up?"

"You got a minute?"

"Sure. What's going on?" Javi asked, going into the conference room, picking up some papers on the desk.

"I have something to tell you," Kevin was already thinking about backing out of it, but he couldn't, "and it's going to be kind of hard to hear."

"Is it about Lanie?"

Kevin frowned. "No, of course not. It's about me."

"Okay," Javi sat on the edge of the desk. "Lay it on me."

"Well, you already know that Jenny and I are getting a divorce."

"Yes."

"Well, I—," he took a deep breath, "I wasn't exactly honest when I told you why."

"She didn't cheat?"

"No, she did." He nodded. "I cheated on her too."

"You what?"

"Yeah, the night I found out I left the apartment, feeling horrible, like I had just had my heart crushed and, well, that's when it happened."

"Damn, bro. I don't know what to say." Javi's shook his head and Kevin's stomach turned. Javi was already looking at him differently.

"Well, there's more."

"More?"

Kevin nodded. "The woman I slept with is pregnant with my child." He stopped, giving Javi time absorb what he had just said, which took what seemed like hours to Kevin.

"Pregnant?" Javi stood up and closed the door behind Kevin. "What the hell were you thinking?"

"I wasn't, but that doesn't really matter now, because what's done is done."

Javi stood in front of Kevin, looking at him while shaking his head. "Is that why Jenny left you?"

Kevin nodded. It was hard to believe, but he still wasn't done with his secret sharing.

"Damn, Kev. I would have never guessed this. Why didn't you tell me?"

He weighed his options. There were two: tell the truth or lie to him, yet again. It was no contest. "I didn't want you to judge me."

Javi sighed, but nodded. "Okay, well, this is kind of unbelievable."

"There's more."

"More?" Javi squealed. "What more could there be? You got some other woman pregnant?"

"No." Kevin sighed. "It's about the woman I got pregnant."

"Okay? What? Do I know her? Does she work here?"

"No, she doesn't work here, but you do know her." Kevin felt like he was going to throw up, but pushed through. He'd gotten this far, he may as well go for it. "It's Alexis."

Javi's face twisted. "Alexis? Bro, I only know one Alexis and that's Alexis Castle." He stared at Kevin waiting for Kevin to help him understand, but he just stood there, looking down at the floor. "Kev, you didn't." Javi said it and to Kevin's ears, it sounded like a threat.

"I know, trust me, I know how bad this truly is. I do. At first, I wasn't sure what to do, but Castle's right fist made reality hit me pretty fast."

"Wait, Castle already knows and you are still alive?" Javi asked with a quirked eyebrow.

"Thanks to Beckett, he only got one punch in."

"So everybody knew before me?"

Kevin nodded, cautiously looking at Javi. He wasn't sure what Javi was thinking, just that he seemed confused.

"Javi, I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I had a lot going through my head. I just—"

"Listen, I can't say that I am happy to hear about all of this, but I can't really focus on it right now. I gotta get back to work." Javi shook his head, before heading to the door.

"Wait, Javi, are we cool? I mean about me not telling you right away?"

"I don't know, man. Need sometime to try and process all this shit."

Kevin nodded. "Yeah, I understand."

Javi gave him one final look, before walking out of the room.

Javi was still talking to him and hadn't hit him, so Kevin was taking those two facts as hope that things would be okay between them soon.

* * *

Four Weeks Later...

This was hardly anything to be nervous about, but Kevin couldn't seem to stop himself from pacing back and forth. Everyone, including Alexis was giving him death stares, but he couldn't seem to sit still. He tried it and he felt like he was restrained. He needed to be up, like he was somehow in control over the situation.

He was finally going to be able to see his baby today and he didn't know how to process it without pacing, occasionally nudging Alexis' leg with his own as he passed in front of her. She'd already seen the baby, even showed him a sonogram, but he knew today he'd be able to see the baby moving around and that amazed him.

Alexis sighed when he passed, accidentally stepping on her foot.

"Kevin, will you please sit down? Your pacing is now painfully affecting me," she commented, rubbing her foot.

He sighed and sat down. "I'm sorry, I just can't seem to sit still."

"I've noticed, everyone has, but your pacing is kind of making me nervous."

"Nervous? How?"

"You are a homicide detective. You see dead bodies all the time. You've been shot at many times before, and you go and seek out killers."

"Your point?"

"Here you are pacing. Can't you see how that makes me a little nervous?"

Kevin nodded and sighed. "Okay, I'm sorry. It's not because I am worried. I'm just excited, I guess."

"Excited?" He could have swore he saw a small smile cover her face.

"Alexis Castle?" A woman approached with a clipboard in her hand. Alexis got up and walked over, Kevin in tow. It was getting closer, Kevin knew it and he was finding hard to be calm about it. With each step and each second, he was getting closer to seeing his baby.

Sitting back in the examination room didn't help with Kevin's nerves. He sat in the chair after Alexis warned him not to stand up. She was clearly fed up with it. He stayed in the chair next hers.

His whole life was changing, and today was going to be one of those days that he would remember forever, knowing that made him anxious to live it out.

"Kevin, I get that you are excited, but please," Alexis' voice begged.

"What? I'm sitting down."

"The foot tapping."

He was confused until he noticed that in fact his foot was hitting the floor. He wasn't sure how long he had been doing it, but he immediately stopped. He sighed. "Great, now you will never invite me to another appointment again."

She giggled. He smiled faintly at that. Only on rare occasions was he able to get that reaction from her and when he did, it made him feel good. It gave him hope that maybe he was making progress and that one day she would be able to forgive him.

He looked over to her and saw her looking back at him. A look covered her face, one that he detected as amusement, and before he could ask why she was looking at him, the doctor entered the room. She gave both Alexis and him a smile.

Good, the doc was here. Now he was going to get to the moment he'd impatiently been waiting for.

"Take a deep breathe and relax," Alexis told him with a smirk.

"Thanks." He replied dryly as the doc began to spread lubricated jelly over Alexis' stomach.

Kevin's eyes flickered to the screen as the doc moved the ultrasound transducer across Alexis' stomach. He had no idea what he was seeing at first, which he expected; he had never seen an ultrasound being done.

"Here we are," the doc smiled to the screen. "Do you see right here?" Kevin's eyes followed her finger. In a little cluster of darkness, he saw and knew it was his baby.

"That's—" He moved closer. "That's the baby?"

"Yes, it is," the Doc replied. "See, right here is the arm is moving."

"The baby did that last time," Alexis smiled. "Cool, huh?" She looked up to Kevin who only nodded. He was looking the screen, watching intently, but he felt Alexis' eyes on his.

The doc had to call Alexis' attention to the screen. "Look, right here, see that flicker happening?" Alexis' sat up at little and Kevin helped keep his hand on her back. The other was on her knee. "That's the heartbeat."

The words and imagine struck Kevin where he stood. He couldn't do anything, but just look at the screen. Heartbeat? Alexis and the doc were talking, but it was just background noise to Kevin. His baby's heart was beating right in front of his eyes. He couldn't believe how it made him feel.

It was like a miracle. It had to be, otherwise why would he be feeling this way? His own heart was beating so fast he thought it might beat out of his chest.

"Kevin?" Alexis' hand grabbed his and lightly applied pressure.

"What?" He looked the her when the screen was turned off. He wasn't ready for it to be turned off, but they couldn't stay there all day.

"You look," she stopped, surveying him, "really happy."

"That was amazing, like really amazing."

She smiled brightly at him. "I was hoping you would feel that way," she said squeezing his hand.

He smiled back. Happy wasn't the word he'd use. He wasn't sure there was a word invented to explain what he was feeling. The closest he could get to find a word to sum it all up was love.

* * *

 **I'm sorry this is a short chapter, but I hope you guys enjoyed it. Let me know what you think!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Okay, so I'm a little nervous about posting this chapter. At this point, things are about to change for Alexis and Kevin. I hope you enjoy!**

This was becoming to be too difficult. She didn't want to feel this way; it was hardly the right time to feel this way about him. There was too much going on. They were just becoming good friends and they were both feeling better about the pregnancy, especially Kevin. She was becoming more and more excited about being a parent. Now that things were falling into place, she wasn't as fearful as she was when first finding out about it. Maybe this was how things were supposed to work out, even though things were weird with Kevin and her, that didn't mean it always had to be that way.

A smile appeared on her face, thinking about him and the baby. She didn't need to feel these feelings for him. She needed to be focused on the baby, not him.

It shouldn't have make her light up when she saw him come through the door. Butterflies shouldn't appear whenever they were standing close to each other. It was completely stupid that she got a smile every time he called or sent a text. It just wasn't right. Especially not now.

She shouldn't be thinking about how hypnotic his eyes were, or how attractive he was when he smiled. She shouldn't be thinking about if he felt the same way. Definitely not. He probably didn't feel the same about her. He didn't treat her any differently, there were no lingering looks coming from him. She would know, because all she had been able to do around him was look at him.

He had caught her doing it a few times. She covered it up by just saying that she was lost in a thought. He seemed to buy it easily enough.

Her phone rang, bringing her out of her thoughts.

The stupid smile appeared when she saw his face pop up across the screen.

"Hello, Detective," she answered.

"Good, you're up."

She looked at the clock. "It's noon."

"Last Saturday, you slept til two," he reminded her.

"I was sick that day."

"I take it that you are feeling fine today?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I have a plan."

"Should I be afraid?" She laughed.

"Depends. Are you scared of dark places?"

"Depends on who I am with," she said, already feeling a little uneasy about the unknown plan.

"You'll be with me."

A dark place with him. Why was she now excited about this?

"Okay, what dark place is this?"

"It's a surprise."

"I hate surprises."

"I know, but this will be a good one."

She sighed. She really did hate surprises. Finding out she was pregnant sort of made the shine wear off.

"When will this surprise be taking place?"

"Tonight when I get off work. I'll text you when I am on my way. Work for you?"

"I'll be here," she agreed, then remembered that she had to help Martha with a play she was putting on."Wait, I might be with Gram, so you might have to pick me up at the school."

"Alright, just let me know when I text you. I should get back to work. Javi's staring daggers at me."

She laughed. "I'll see you later."

"Give the little one a rub for me."

She smiled at his request. "Will do."

"Alright, bye."

"Bye." She smiled and kept smiling for a while afterwards.

Martha had ended up calling, and Alexis wasn't exactly happy to go help. It had nothing to do with Martha, it had more to do with her not wanting to do much of anything. Ever since she found out about the baby, she hadn't exactly felt like doing much.

She was helping Martha's assistant, Jake, with getting costumes ready for the students when her phone beeped. She smiled when she saw that it was a text from Kevin.

He came to pick her up, telling her that she needed to get away from the apartment. She knew had a point, but she didn't have any motivation to go anywhere or do anything, maybe because she knew once the baby got here, she'd be on her feet 24/7.

Kevin begged and she decided one night wouldn't kill her. They ended up going to see a movie. She hadn't entered a movie theater in over a year and she was a little excited to be there.

Halfway through the movie, she couldn't take it anymore. The armrest was digging into her side. She sat up and moved it up, hoping her problems would be solved. A new one came to.

She sat back in her chair trying to get comfortable, but it wasn't working. Sitting up straight wasn't an option. It was painful and was making her sick. Maybe seeing a movie wasn't a good idea for her.

"Here," she heard Kevin whisper. "Lean into me."

She gave him a weird look. Clearly she had heard him wrong. "What?" She asked, trying to hear him better.

"Lean into me," he repeated and she met his eyes. He wasn't joking?

"Seriously?"

He nodded. "It will be more comfortable for you." She bit her lip. He had a point. She couldn't sit up and the armrest was too hard.

"You sure?" She asked again.

He nodded. She moved toward him slowly, waiting for him to change his mind, but he didn't. She gently rested against him, feeling a little weird. Was this appropriate? She knew it wasn't on her behalf. She was the one with the ridiculous crush, not him. He was probably just trying to be sweet. She almost moved back, but his scent and warmth prevented it. Once she nestled against him, with her hand on his chest, she found it hard to pay attention to the movie. The heat coming from his body and feeling his heart beat was so much more entertaining.

"Comfortable?" he asked putting his hands on her shoulder.

"Uh, yeah." She answered and then rolled her eyes at herself. He was definitely only doing this to be sweet. She felt so pathetic. She spent the rest of the movie enjoying being close to him. Feeling his chest rise and fall was relaxing. She may have fallen asleep, if not for his cologne. The scent made it hard for her to stop her hand from gliding up his chest, but she didn't move. She even restrained herself from moving when his hand moved from her shoulder to her waist. It didn't feel like he had put it there on purpose, but that didn't stop her from savoring his touch.

She was sort of happy when the movie came to an end. She was feeling guilty for enjoying his touch so much.

The drive back to the apartment was filled with talking about certain foods she should be eating and exercises she should start doing. She sometimes felt that Kevin was already a father, with no baby, so he had to focus on her instead.

They got back to the apartment and she couldn't have been happier. She liked leaving, but it felt good being back home. "Thanks again for taking me out tonight. I really needed it," she said, sitting down on the couch next to him.

"No problem." He was on his phone. "You have a doctor appointment for the 17th, right?"

She leaned forward, taking off her jacket. "Correct." She threw her jacket on the chair across the room and kicked off her shoes.

"I might be able to get that day off."

"It's scheduled for the morning, so you don't have to take the whole day off," she tried, but he was already planning.

"I'll have to talk to Gates. Give her a few days notice." He was ignoring her. She watched him as he looked through his phone. She could actually see his brain working while he talked to himself. A smile pulled at her mouth.

"Kevin?" she asked wondering if he was even aware that she was there.

"Hmm?" He was still looking at his phone. He looked almost as if he was working a case. "Have you been doing those exercises, I mentioned?"

"The breathing exercises?"

"Yes."

"I don't like them."

He frowned. "Why not?"

"I don't think they are working."

He put his phone down and rubbed the back of his neck. "I know, but please keep doing them, they will help."

She gasped and grabbed her stomach when a weird, almost painful sensation occurred.

"Are you okay?" Kevin asked, placing one hand on her shoulder and the other on her stomach.

"Yeah," she sighed, when it passed. "Don't worry. It's nothing to worry about." His hand stayed on her stomach with a concern written all over his face. She found it annoyingly sweet how attentive he was whenever she felt a little discomfort.

He slowly began to rub his hand gently against her stomach. She closed her eyes, because it felt so good.

"Kevin," she said in a whisper.

"What? Is something wrong? Do you not like me rubbing your stomach?" He moved his hand away, but she pulled it back.

"No, I like it."

"Then what's going on?"

His eyes met hers and she decided right then and there that she needed to do the one thing she had been thinking about all night.

She moved forward and pressed her lips against his.

* * *

She was kissing him. Why was she kissing him? Kevin pulled her face back. A frown almost immediately worked over her face, making him mirror the expression. "Why did you do that?"

"Because I have wanted to for a while." She stepped closer to him. "I really like you, Kevin."

That didn't make sense. She didn't like him. She hadn't shown it before now. Why now would she be doing this?

"You like me?"

"I really do. I don't know when it exactly it started, but I do. I like you a lot." She put her hand on his cheek and tried to pull him closer, but he stopped her.

"I don't understand."

"What's there to understand? I like you. Don't you like me?"

Of course he liked her. She was smart, easy to talk to and fun to be around. "I do."

A smile pulled at her lips. "So what's the problem?"

"I don't know where this is coming from." What brought this on? He looked down and saw her hand resting on her stomach. Was it because of the baby? Was she doing this because she was hormonal? He had read about that. It certainly made more sense than her suddenly liking and wanting him.

"Alexis," He grabbed her hand. "I don't think this would be a good idea."

"Why not?"

"Because you are pregnant. You might regret this later."

"You think I am only doing this because I'm pregnant?" Her face reddened. Was she embarrassed?

"Hey, you don't have to feel bad. This happens to a lot of women."

She shook her head at him and ripped her hand away. Tears formed in her eyes.

"Don't cry. You don't need to."

"Just stop," she said, getting up and walking away. He sighed. 'Good going, Kev.'

He got up and followed her. He couldn't let her feel this way. It wasn't good for her or the baby.

He stood in front of her, making her face him. "I'm sorry about that, I just think–"

"Well, don't think," she demanded, before pulling him to her by his shirt and kissing him. Not lightly or slowly, but fast and a little rough, as she bit his lip. "Stop thinking." Her lips came back to his and he couldn't think of anything as her hands ran up his chest and wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer to her.

He hadn't been kissed like this since, well, he couldn't really remember. Her hands ran down his shirt, but she didn't slow the kiss down, and he couldn't bring himself to do it, either. She grabbed the bottom of his shirt before, pulling it off. He grabbed her waist and pulled her closer to him.

"I want you, Kevin. Not because I am pregnant, but because I want you." She moaned when he began to grind against her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him back into a heated kiss. His brain had been turned off and his body was in full control of everything.

"Bedroom," she moaned again, when he ran his hands up her shirt.

He quickly moved his hands down to the back of her legs picking her up, she willingly helped, wrapping her legs around his waist. He opened his eyes long enough to see the path to her room.

They made it into her room with ease, he laid her down on the bed, kissing her neck, loving the sounds the she made. She sat up and quickly removed her own shirt. She pulled him to her by the waist of his jeans, working the button and zipper with skillful ease. Part of him felt like this was wrong, but his body disagreed. He quickly found out that his body was running the show. Her hands slowly glided down his boxers, softly rubbing her fingers against him making a gasp of pleasure escape. He grew stiff in her hand.

"Alexis," he breathed against her neck. Her lips found his before she began to stroke him in an agonizingly slow pace. Was she torturing him on purpose? He pulled away from her mouth and removed her hand so he could get undressed.

He saw her smile and he knew he didn't want that face to look any other way. She finished getting undressed and he laid her down, getting on top her. He attacked her neck, not being able to resist the softness and the taste of her skin. She moved against him, digging her nails into his back as she raised her hips against his.

"I want you so bad. Please," she whispered into his ear. He knew he couldn't deny her. Her hips grazed his again.

"Stop begging. It isn't necessary," he groaned against her neck.

The need to was too much. He moved his hands to her waist, pinning her to the mattress. She was still trying to rotate her hips. "Please," she breathed. He claimed her mouth, hoping to distract her long enough to get her body to calm down. Once her hips seemed to relax, he leaned into her. She moaned into the kiss, making it hard for him to concentrate on anything. She wrapped her legs around his waist and pulled him closer. He didn't resist. The sensation was too mind blowing.

He let go of her hips and moved his hands to her hair, bringing his mouth down on hers. She rotated her hips and he lightly bit her bottom lip. God, she felt so good.

He jerked his hips forward, feeling like he was going to lose himself at any moment and he needed to see her go over the edge first. He was sure she was just as close as he was.

Her breathing and moaning was becoming more and more erratic with each thrust. Her body was so responsive, he wasn't sure how he could hold out anymore.

"Faster," she breathed, pulling him closer. He dug his head into the crook her neck and enthusiastically complied. He was sure she was going to kill him. Pressure built and before he could do anything, he felt her underneath him. Every part of her body clenching onto his as she moaned his name.

Very soon after he was on top of her, completely out of breath.

After their breathing came back down, he carefully got off her. He couldn't get his brain to function. He didn't know what to say or do now. He was finding it hard to think. He just knew that this was wrong. He allowed her to take advantage of him. Allowed her hormones to take control. He knew that this could happen, but he didn't think he'd have to worry about it so soon. He should have been prepared, should have stood his ground, but he didn't.

Instead he took advantage of her when she was in a very vulnerable state of mind. What was he thinking? How could he have been so selfish? He knew he was selfish. She came onto him and he should have told her no, but with the kissing, moaning, and touching, he couldn't resist. He was a sick person.

He needed her to know how sorry he was for acting the way he did. Whether or not she went along with it, she wasn't fully in control. When he looked over at her she was sitting up and bent over touching her stomach.

"What is it? Are you okay?" he asked.

"I don't know." She struggled. "It's just a cramp." Her hands rubbed her stomach. He got up and turned on the light. She moved back, probably trying to cover her naked body. He didn't watch, it felt wrong. Once she was covered up he noticed something on the bed. He moved closer and saw exactly what it was.

His heart nearly stopped. Blood covered the blankets and he knew it was from her. He'd read about this very thing, but wished he would never have to experience it quite so personally. He stood there for second until he heard her groan.

"Alexis."

"What?" she asked, obviously still in pain.

He needed to get her to a hospital immediately. He quickly grabbed his clothes slipping them on, while grabbing her clothes.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Put these on."

"Why?"

"We need to go the hospital." He placed his hand on hers. "Let's go."

"It's not that bad, I think it will pass."

Sadly, he knew that most likely she wouldn't feel okay until they went to the hospital. "No, it won't. We need to go now."

"How do you know it won't pass?"

"Alexis, please, do it for me." He uncovered her. "Please get dressed. Just a check up, for the baby." He lied, but he had to. He didn't want her to be scared, but he needed her to willingly go with him. He was hoping he was wrong assuming the worst, but he needed to get her help.

"I don't want to go." Tears were in her eyes.

"If you are experiencing that much pain, the baby might be feeling it too." He hated lying to her.

"Fine," she sighed. He was thankful she was cooperating now. He helped her get dressed, since she wasn't able to get it done without stopping to rub her stomach. His heart felt like it might explode at any moment, but he had to keep it in. He needed to be strong for her. He stood her up helping her to get her shirt back on."What's that, Kevin?" She pointed to the blanket.

He stopped for a second. "Nothing." He got her shirt on. "It's nothing. Let's go okay?"

"Kevin?"

"Everything is okay," he said, grabbing her shoulder and making her look at him. He needed her to be calm. "It's all okay. We're good, right?"

"Kevin." She kept looking down at the blanket. "Is that–"

"It's nothing." He walked her out of the room, blocking her view of the bed as they walked out.

* * *

There it was: the truth, for better or worse. She had actually heard the words. She wasn't sure why her hand was hurting so much; she didn't really care. She couldn't think about that right now. All she could think about was that she was no longer carrying another life inside her.

She didn't know how many people told her what a blessing it was that she was pregnant. Not anymore. Now she would just be the girl who was pregnant. She had just gotten the news and she already felt empty, lifeless.

Hopelessness settled in quickly when her eyes looked down at her stomach, she touched it lightly, but it was different now. Instead of a sensation of calm, she just felt nothing. Absolutely nothing.

Alexis wished she could disappear. She didn't want anyone around her. That wasn't working though, because Castle kept coming by. She regretted giving him a key to her apartment. It was the ninth time he had been there in last week. She wanted him to just go away, but she knew the only way to do that was to kick him out. Every time felt wanted to do it, she stopped herself. Yelling at him wasn't going to make anything better.

Castle hadn't been making her talk, which she appreciated. Instead of talking, he was making her eat three times a day, which was very difficult for someone who almost always felt sick. She only did it without fussing because she didn't want him to start nagging her.

Beckett came with Castle sometimes and Alexis hadn't mind that. Beckett would get a hold of Castle if he had become too much to deal with.

"Sweetie! Your cell is ringing!" Castle called from the kitchen. Alexis was in her room changing clothes. She came out and grabbed her phone.

"Nobody important," she replied before walking away. She saw Castle leaning over and looking at her phone. She sat on the couch and propped her feet up on the coffee table. Castle came in with popcorn and drinks.

"Ready?" He asked.

"Of course." She replied with less enthusiasm than Castle had used. They were having a movie night. Alexis didn't mind, because she didn't have to talk. She just watched the movie until she fell asleep. She knew Castle had used the excuse so he could keep an eye on her, but she couldn't force herself to care. She just went along with whatever he wanted, knowing it would easier than trying to fight him. She was too tired for that.

"Has he tried calling a lot?" Castle asked as the movie started.

"Yes."

"Ever answer?"

"No."

"So what? You guys are never going to talk again?"

"We have nothing to talk about."

"He's going through the same thing you're going through."

"I know."

"Don't you think talking to him might help you?"

"If I did, I would answer his calls." She sighed, "I have nothing to say to him. Can we drop it?" Castle paused the movie. Alexis didn't do or say anything, she just sat there looking at the frozen screen.

"I will drop it, but not until I say this," He grabbed her hand. "He must be hurting and he is trying to reach out to you. If you don't want to talk to him, nobody can force you, but, and this is just a suggestion, I think the decent thing to do is tell him that you don't want to talk to him. Ignoring him is only going to make it seem like you blame him."

"I don't blame him."

"Good. I'm glad to hear that. Just don't string him along. Tell him you don't want to talk anymore. He might not like it, but at least he will know where you two stand. You can even do that over the phone."

The thought of talking to him made her stomach turn. Why would she talk to him? She thought ignoring him would be easier. She had nothing to say to him. She blamed herself, more than anything for what happened. How could she talk to him, tell him that she was the failure? She had destroyed his marriage and now this. She needed to stay away from him. She didn't want to cause anymore trouble in his life.

She sighed. "Sure, I'll call him." She lied. "Can we get back to the movie?"

"Of course." She could tell in his voice that he was smiling. She snuggled closer to him as he hit play.

* * *

 **Like I said at the top, things are going to change for Alexis and Kevin and I hope you all stick around for the crazy ride ahead. Let me know what you guys think!**


	7. Chapter 7

**One Month Later**

"What do you mean he is back with Jenny? What does that mean?" Alexis asked, almost not sure she had heard correct.

"I don't know if they are serious or anything. Javi mentioned it to me."

"Why would he do that?"

"I don't know." Kate bit her lip, carefully observing Alexis.

"Is he trying to get his old life back because the life he left her for died?" She hated phrasing it that way, but it was true.

"I wish I had answers for you. I wish I could make sense of this whole thing, but I can't."

"So how long have they been back together?"

"A couple of weeks, according to Javi."

Alexis shook her head. So he was just done with the part of his life that involved her? Where did this leave them? Nowhere?

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised."

"Why would you say that?"

"Well I haven't exactly been willing to talk to him. I pushed him away." She slumped down on the couch and sighed.

"This isn't your fault Alexis—this is all Kevin. He makes his own decisions."

"Maybe if I would have talked to him when he tried to reach out-"

"What? You'd be the one with him right now?"

Alexis hunched her shoulders. "Wishful thinking, I suppose."

"Did you ever tell him?"

"Tell him what?"

"How you felt?"

She shook her head. "Thought I'd have more time."

Kate put her head down. "Well, technically you do have time."

Alexis laughed. "Yeah, I'll just go to him and spill my heart out, and we will live happily ever after. Forget the fact that he's with Jenny, we both suffered a loss, and I pushed him away afterwards. He'll definitely want me." She knew she sounded bitter, but this whole thing was making her feel frustrated.

Kate's phone buzzed. "Damn. It's the precinct."

"Go."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure. You have a job, and this is my problem to deal with, not yours."

"Deal with? What do you have planned?"

"Nothing as of yet, but who knows?" If she was unhappy, it was up to her to fix it.

"You'll be able to reach me by my cell, so feel free to call or text if you need anything."

"Will do."

She rolled her eyes, knowing Alexis wouldn't call her. "See ya later."

"Bye."

Once Kate left, Alexis stayed on the couch, contemplating. Picturing him with Jenny made her stomach turn. She knew it was irrational, but she somehow felt betrayed by him. She wondered if he saw it that way. Probably not.

She needed to fix her problems, and the only way to do that would be by going to the source of the stress. Kevin.

With each step Alexis was becoming more and more angry. She felt stupid. She felt like Kevin didn't care about her at all. True, they were never really together, but him getting back with Jenny felt like a slap across her face. Like their time together was nothing to him.

She was hoping when she showed up that Jenny wouldn't be there. How could she possibly face her? Jenny hated her. With good reason too, but how mad could Jenny be if she was willing to give Kevin a second chance?

* * *

Alexis walked to his door with a knot in her stomach, but knocked anyway. She needed to see him, needed him to explain everything to her. He was the only one who could make her understand all of this, if it were even possible.

Anger flared up a few notches when Kevin answered the door. Seeing him made everything seem more real. She didn't like the way it was affecting her.

"Alexis?" he asked, looking at her like she was supposed to be dead. Maybe that's how he saw her now. Maybe it made it all that more easier for him to cope and move on.

"Are you busy? Can we talk?"

"Uh, no, I'm not busy." He still seemed shocked that she was standing in front of him. "What do you want to talk about?" He couldn't believe she was at his apartment wanting to talk.

"Things." She answered, trying to hold back her anger. She would wait until they were in a private area.

He stood there for a moment, before nodding. Maybe something good could come from all of this. "Come in."

She slowly walked into his apartment. Everything looked different. Everything was in a specific order. This wasn't Kevin's doing. This had to be Jenny. A mild pain shot through her chest. Jenny was taking care of him.

"Can I get you something? Water?"

He was offering her a beverage? She shook her head. "I just want to talk."

"Okay, but why?"

"Because I have some questions only you can answer."

"Like?" He rubbed his neck and she saw what looked a lot like a bite mark on his neck. She hadn't noticed before. Seeing that didn't help with her anger. Images she didn't want to see entered her mind.

"I heard you and Jenny are back together. Is that true?"

He nodded. "Yup."

Alexis already knew it was true, but hearing him admit it still hurt her.

"That's fantastic." She said, in an even voice.

"It is?"

"Yes," she nodded enthusiastically. "I'm very happy for you both."

He didn't say anything. He just looked down. She was obviously mad, but why was she mad at him? He didn't push her away, she pushed him.

"I'm glad that you have been able to move from what happened so quickly." She could taste the sarcasm and knew he could hear it. His eyes shifted to hers. "I'm glad she decided to take you back and that you guys are happy. It's great and I am also very glad you have been able to forget about me and the baby we lost. I'm truly impressed." Her deadpanned expression made the words hurt more.

Kevin loudly exhaled and tilted his head, not looking at her. She wasn't making sense. "Wow."

She didn't reply, she just stood there with her arms crossed.

"You haven't talked to me in what... a month? And when you finally do decide to talk to me, you act like a know-it-all bitch?" He had never called her a bitch, but right at that moment it seemed like the perfect time.

"I'm sorry, did you not hear correctly? I'm very happy that you have a second chance to be happy. I mean, I ruined it for you the first time, so I am just happy that you finally have it all." Her eyes narrowed on his.

He knew reasoning with her probably wouldn't work. She was clearly only here to fight and he didn't want anything to do with it. "I don't have time for this. Maybe you should leave."

"Jenny coming over? Please tell me things are serious with you guys. I'd love to come to the next wedding."

"What the hell is your problem? You came over here to just make me feel like shit?" Why did she care about his life? She had given up on him.

'He had some nerve.' Alexis thought. "What? You're the only one who can do that to people?"

"What are you talking about?"

She shook her head in disbelief. "Do I need to remind you that you recently suffered a loss? Do you remember that, or did Jenny come over and fuck all the pain away?"

His face twisted and anger filled his eyes. "You know what? It's none of your damn business what I do with my life! It's none of your damn business if Jenny and I are together!"

"Maybe I have been dealing with my grief the wrong way." She nodded, wanting to press his buttons. "Maybe I should have found someone to fuck me. Instead of being heartbroken for a month, I would have already moved on and forgotten about it."

"I didn't forget!" Kevin's anger increased and suddenly he was willing to give her what she came for.

"So what? You just don't care?"

He put his head down and turned his back to her. "I tried to talk to you. I tried to have this talk, but you didn't want to have it."

"I'm sorry I wasn't in the mood to talk about losing a baby a week after it happened!"

"Well, it doesn't matter because now anyway, I don't want to talk about it. So are we done here or do you have more shit to fling my way?"

He had nothing to say about the child they lost? Did he really not care? "You're such an asshole! I don't even know who you are anymore."

"Well," he walked to the door, "if I am such an asshole, maybe you should just leave."

"You honestly don't give a damn about what we lost? You have nothing to say to me?"

"I had plenty to say to you, but you pushed me away, so I guess it's my turn now." He opened the door. "Leave."

Alexis had two options. She could leave with the horrible pain radiating through her chest, or she could stay and force him to talk.

"No."

"What?"

"I said no." She leaned against his wall and crossed her arms. "I'm staying until we talk."

"Talk?" He laughed. "You don't want to talk. You just want to throw all the blame on me."

"Blame?" She nodded. "Sure let's do that. Let's blame you!"

He slammed the door shut. He'd been dealing with blame since the day Jenny told him that she had cheated on him. He was used to the weight. Nothing Alexis could say could make it worse. "Fine, do it."

"You really want me to pull on that thread?"

"If you think you can, go for it," He narrowed his eyes. "Because I honestly think you have nothing to say. You just want to bitch."

She quirked an eyebrow, a small smile pulled to her face.

"What?" He asked.

"You're angry?

"Well, I was having a great day until you showed up then it all went to hell." He was lying of course. His days were always bad. Not a day had passed since she had made him leave that hospital where he had been able to genuinely smile or laugh. All he ever felt was anger.

"I'm surprised to see you upset, isn't this what you wanted?" She asked, waiting for him to deny it.

Wanted? "What?"

"Admit it! From the day you found out that I was pregnant, you were hoping that it wouldn't work! You were just waiting for it to happen so you could run back to Jenny!"

Kevin took a step back and tried to understand what she had just said. Did she really think that he was hoping she would have a miscarriage?

"Why in the hell would you think that!" he screamed, no longer able to hide his anger. She could say all she wanted about him being back together with Jenny, but to actually say he wanted her to lose the baby was unacceptable.

"Why? Let's see. I lose the baby and a couple weeks later you are back with Jenny! Why didn't you just say you didn't want anything to do with me or the baby in the first place? If you would have stayed away from us, maybe I would still be pregnant!"

It was hard to tell who was more surprised by Alexis' accusation.

Kevin was unable to take his eyes off her. Instantly, he felt like he had been broken in two. How could she say that? He had moments where anger became too much, and he needed a way to release the tension. That's why he was with Jenny, but Jenny wasn't here. He looked at her, actually looking into her eyes. Her eyes were beginning to mist and her swore he saw her bottom lip quiver.

She turned around hiding from him. She didn't want him to see her, not like this. Not weak, but that's what she was. She was weak. All her energy had been spent on screaming at him. All that was left were tears.

Kevin saw her shoulders begin to bob up and down. That's when he saw it. Really saw it. She was in pain. Just like him.

He moved forward and pulled her to him. She tried to get away, not wanting him to see her tears. "Don't!" She kept struggling. "Kevin, let go of me!" She shouted as he backed her up against the wall, pinning her arms to the side. "Kevin, stop! Let go of me!" Her voice cracked and more tears slid down her face.

He couldn't see this anymore. He couldn't see her cry. He couldn't argue anymore. He was just tired of everything. He had Jenny to use to keep him from thinking about it. It hurt him too much to think about what could have come if the baby had survived.

Alexis wasn't doing that, she was thinking about it constantly, he guessed. She needed a distraction just as much as he did.

"Stop, just stop," he demanded before crashing his lips against hers.

Alexis shoved Kevin away from her. Why in the hell did he kiss her? What was he thinking?

"What the hell are you doing?" she asked, fury building even more inside of her.

He moved forward, quickly descending his mouth on hers.

She pushed him away, again with a look of confusion. "What's wrong with you?"

"Just shut up!" he said, in a rough voice before connecting their lips in a fast and very rough kiss, making it hard for Alexis to do anything but reciprocate. When Kevin's hands greedily pulled her hips against his, Alexis couldn't resist pulling him closer and moaning into into his mouth.

Kevin's teeth caught her bottom lip and he bit down roughly. She didn't protest because she wanted it. In fact, she wanted more.

She was already pinned against the wall, making it too easy for Kevin to grind against her while kissing her neck. Alexis' head was spinning, but she didn't care.

* * *

For the past month she hadn't felt anything but sadness and anger. She was tired of it. Now, she didn't feel those things. It was like they were set to the side, giving her a break.

Once she could get her brain back she noticed that her jeans were unbuttoned and her shirt was lying on the floor along with her shoes. When did that happen? How did he get away with that? She realized she didn't care as his tongue rolled over her already hard nipple. She bucked hips into his and moaned his name.

Kevin faltered a little hearing his name slip from her lips. He needed to be closer, needed to be able to touch every inch of her skin.

He grabbed the back of her legs and lifted her so she could hook her legs around him. She didn't hesitate and attacked his neck fiercely, while he made his way into his room.

Things took an interesting turn once they entered the room. Kevin removed Alexis' legs from his waist and pushed her onto the bed. Alexis squealed, but was quickly cut off as Kevin leaped on top of her pressing his lips hard against her mouth, making her head spin. She felt lucky that she was already laying down, because she knew her legs wouldn't be able to hold her up, not with the way he was kissing her.

Kevin pressed hard kisses to her lips, while his hands went to her waist, tugging her jeans down, but not all the way. His fingers ran down her stomach and slipped under her panties and before she catch her breath. When he pulled his lips from hers and quickly went to her neck, a finger plunged inside of her.

Almost immediately her hips responded, pushing forward, letting Kevin know she wanted more. He quickly added another finger and she made a noise he had never heard from her. He needed to hear it again. His fingers worked frantically as her nails dug into his back lightly scratching him. He groaned against her neck. The sensation sent a wave of pleasure down his spine. He was getting harder than he had expected to be. The feel of her nails digging into his skin was surprisingly arousing to him.

She heard the groan and knew he liked it. She was getting wet pretty fast. Her breath was quickly escalating. Her hips were moving against his hand and he knew she was getting close. He removed his hand and quickly got up and unbuttoned his pants, pulling them down, but not all the way. He quickly moved across the room.

Alexis was trying to remove her jeans, but she was unable to get her brain to cooperate, causing her to move too slow for Kevin's liking. Once he got a condom, he walked over to her and yanked her jeans and panties down and then removed his own. He put the condom on, working with a speed Alexis didn't think was possible.

He moved on top of her moving in between her already parted legs. She moved her hands to his hips, pulling him closer. He quickly moved her hands away and pinned them above her head. His lips crashed against her mouth before thrusting into her.

She groaned against his mouth and jerked her hips at the sensation. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head as began to thrust harder, making his hips slam into hers. Before his lips could get to her neck, he caught her lip in between his teeth and bit down, knowing she would make that noise that made tingles roll down his spine.

Alexis' mind was blank. No worries or anger were present to prevent her from enjoying every second of what was happening.

His hands moved down her arms, moving along her sides, her skin like silk under his fingertips. His hands grabbed the back of her thighs and lifted them. Alexis wrapped her legs around his waist and rolled her hips. He groaned against her neck, his tongue traveling from her collarbone to earlobe.

Her breathing was increasing with every new way his body moved against hers. She moved her hands to his shoulder, dragging her nails against his back. A moan escaped her throat and Kevin involuntarily jerked his hips forward. Alexis had to bite her lip to stop herself from saying his name.

He could feel her heart beating against his chest and he knew she wasn't going to last much longer, so his pace picked up. His hands grasped the edge of the mattress, using it as leverage to thrust deeper into her.

Nonsensical words escaped her mouth in breathy moans as her body began to lose control. Her nails dug deeper into his back. She knew she was leaving marks on his skin, but he didn't seem to care as he bit down on her pulse point.

Somewhere between his light nips at her neck and his firm thrusting, she'd come undone, clamping onto him, making him groan against her skin.

Moments later they were both flat on their backs, unsure of what just happened. Their eyes were closed, their bodies still reeling. Their minds were blank. No words were spoken. They just lay there, savoring every feeling.

The situation was tense and didn't make a lot of sense. Kevin knew that, but he couldn't seem to care. For those moments his mind wasn't focused on everything that was holding him down, he was able to stop thinking, and that was what he wanted more than anything. He wanted to live in a world where he could escape every painful thought or memory, and he thought he had just found the way to do that.

Alexis' mind came back to her as the effects of the orgasm faded. She hadn't felt that way in such a long time and much to her surprise she wanted more. She wanted to be able to fade away into a place where her mind was free to just go blank. No worries, anger, or pain. She was just able to exist in a moment of complete pleasure. The world and all her problems weren't gone, but they weren't causing her as much pain.

The current situation was something neither of them knew how to proceed with.

Was Alexis supposed to leave now? Was Kevin supposed to ask her to leave? He didn't think he could throw her to curb, just like that. He wasn't an asshole. Alexis had said some hurtful things to him, and damn did they hurt, but he knew from the tears in her eyes that they were said because of all the hurt and anguish she was still overtaken with. If she really felt that way, there was no way she would have had sex with him. Alexis was smart enough and brave enough to push him away if she didn't need what he had offered her.

They both moved around shortly after their breathing returned to a normal pace, grabbing their clothes. They quietly got dressed. Alexis wasn't sure what there was to be said. She couldn't say, "Hey. Thanks. That was totally what I needed." Their situation was too complicated for that. She knew that. No words seemed to appropriate for that moment. She was starting to think that her only option was to leave without saying anything.

"Look, this isn't how I saw anything playing out when you first showed up here," Kevin said, as Alexis put her jeans back on, "but I think you coming over wasn't by accident."

What did he mean?

"I think we have stumbled upon something that could help us both."

She listened to his words carefully, taking them in and trying to understand just what he was getting at. She didn't want to leave this apartment without knowing exactly what he was thinking.

"What are you suggesting?" she asked, stopping her movements and giving him her full attention.

"I'm suggesting that this doesn't have to stop here." He sat on the corner of the bed and ran his hand through his hair. "We could use this as sort of a medication. A numbing agent. A way to help us feel nothing when we are feeling way too much."

She couldn't lie—that sounded like something she could definitely jump on board with, but could she do that with him? Did want to do that with her? He had Jenny, right? Why couldn't he use her as quick and temporary fix to his problems? Was he already doing that?

"I don't know. Do you think that we could actually do that, given our history?"

"I think we could because of our history. Who else knows the pain better than we do? Who else can understand the need to put everything on pause more than we do?" He knew it wasn't the healthiest way go about patching up their grief, but for those moments of serenity he didn't care.

"I don't know. It seems risky."

"Well," he sighed, "I'm just throwing it out there as an option, for what it's worth. Take it or leave it."

She nodded and ran her finger through her hair, smoothing it out. Could this work? Could she go through this? She bit her lip and sighed, "I'll think about it."

He nodded. Well, it wasn't a no, so he would count that as a win and call it a day. "I'm a text or phone call away."

She nodded. "I should go." She walked through the apartment, grabbing her discarded clothing. She slipped on her shirt and grabbed her shoes, quickly slipping them on. She said she would think about it. Make pros and cons. Despite her brain sending red flags her way, she was taking the notion of no pain as a huge pro.

Before she left, she turned and looked at him. He was leaning against the wall, his hands in his pockets. He looked at her, and she saw it in his eyes. He was broken—just as broken as her. She forced herself to look away and leave. She wasn't aware of that fact that Kevin had noticed the same broken look in her eyes.

Maybe she would call him, he thought.

* * *

 **Thank you all for all of your support, it means so much to me! Be sure to let me know what you thought with a comment :)**


	8. Chapter 8

Life wasn't going even a little easy for Alexis. She was constantly being hovered over. Kate, Castle, and Martha seemed determined to get Alexis to leave her place and go on dates. Specifically Martha. Martha had been trying to get her to go out with several different guys she said would be perfect for Alexis. Alexis always blew them off, saying she was fine with how her life was.

That couldn't have been more of a lie. She hated everything about her life. She hated that she lived by herself and had no social life. She had Castle, Kate and Martha, but she needed more. She needed to be around people who didn't give her sad smiles every time they saw her. She needed people to help her start her life on a new path. They only thing preventing that was that she didn't leave her apartment.

She'd stay there most of the time, only leaving when Martha needed help with something. Even then she wouldn't socialize. She would throw on headphones and block out everyone around her. The only person she had talked to besides her family was Kevin.

Ever since she had left his apartment, the offer he suggested had weighed on her mind. The sex had helped, but she knew it wasn't healthy for either one of them. Plus he was in a relationship, even if he wasn't committed to it. She didn't want to be the girl who helped him cheat on his girlfriend. It wasn't right. She may have thought about calling him when she was feeling lonely, but she knew she would never actually call him.

She needed to get out and live in a world that involved people. She couldn't hide out forever. She threw on a jacket and headed out the door before she could talk herself out of it. She was going to go for a walk. She wasn't sure where to and she didn't really care. At this point, she needed to do something. Anything.

Fresh air. She breathed it in and savored it. She absolutely love the smell of the flowers as she walked through the park. She'd been in her apartment that smelled too much like dirty clothes and dishes. The bright colors stunned her. She'd seen these sights before, but now it was like she was seeing them with new eyes. Everything in her apartment was dark—no matter how many lights were on, it was still dark. As if a giant storm cloud really was hovering over her.

She stayed away from the actual play area. Too many unwanted thoughts came with the sight of children playing. This was supposed to be about getting out of her nest, which is what Castle had nicknamed her apartment. She was supposed to just enjoy the day, nothing else. She turned a corner and was stuck in her tracks.

A little girl was standing all alone. Alexis thought she had to be three or four years old. The little girl was playing with a toy wand, waving it through the air as she twirled around in circles. Alexis' eyes were fixed on the little girl. She couldn't look away from the tiny redhead dancing around. Alexis should have been concerned about why she all by herself, but she couldn't do anything but stand there.

Everything around her disappeared, except for the girl. It was almost like seeing a ghost. A vision of something she had lost. Her heart raced and tears filled her eyes. Her eyes widened when a pair of blue eyes looked in her direction. A smile pulled at the tiny girl's mouth and Alexis' heart melted.

"Mommy!" The little girl ran, almost toppling over. Before Alexis could walk forward, someone appeared to her left, swooping the little girl up.

"Abigail, I told you not to run off! You had me so worried." The woman coddled her daughter, before turning to Alexis, giving her a smile. Alexis hadn't seen the smile, because her eyes were trained on the little girl.

"Mommy, I'm hungry."

"Let's go get you something to eat, baby." The woman walked off with the little girl and Alexis found it hard not to follow along.

Her heart ached. It was like being sucker-punched in the chest after just having a heart attack. Her breath had caught in her throat and tears streamed down her face. What had she just witnessed? Was someone messing with her? All she knew was that she couldn't say there in that place. She needed to leave right away.

While she walked, visions of red hair and blue eyes popped into her brain and she could get them to go away. Every time she heard the word, "Mommy" repeating itself through her head, her heart broke a little more.

Her fingers moved frantically on her phone before pressing it to her ear.

"Ryan." His voice poured through the receiver, making her even more desperate than she was to call him in the first place.

"Does your offer still stand?" she sniffed.

There was a few moments of silence, before his voice came again. "Yes."

"Your place or mine?"

Another pause.

"Yours."

"See you there in twenty?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Good." She hung up and tried to get back to her apartment as quickly as she could.

* * *

She made it back to her apartment and barely had time to change her clothes when there was knock at her door. She threw her hair up into a messy bun, before answering the door. Kevin was there giving her a confused look. Her neighbor was outside, so she held herself back from him. "Hey, come in." She moved back letting him in.

"You look like you've seen a ghost or—"

As soon as the door was closed, she wasted little time, pressing her mouth against his, ignoring his words. Instead she worked on getting his jacket off. He helped her take it off and tossed it on a nearby chair. His hands gripped her waist, bringing her closer to him. She allowed him to back her up against the wall while she worked frantically at getting his jeans unbuttoned.

"Alexis," he started, but she wouldn't hear it. She kept working until his pants were unbuttoned. "Alexis—"

She moved her lips back to his mouth, biting down on his bottom lip. A groan escaped him just before she slipped her hand down his pants, grasping him, feeling his whole body twitch at her touch. He leaned into her, hot breath on her neck.

He kissed her neck, running his hands over her body. Each touch caused her to ache. She needed more and needed it faster. She broke away long enough to take her shirt off, before pulling him back to her. His breath released against the hollow of her throat as she ran her hands over his chest. He nipped at her neck as he dug his fingertips into her hips. She moaned against the sensation, clawing at the bottom of his shirt.

"Alexis, whats—"

"Shut up." She yanked his shirt up and took it off him. She slipped her fingers through his belt loops and pulled him with her to the couch. After forcing him down, she climbed on him, straddling him. Her lips attacked his neck and she rolled her hips forward. A whispering gasp came from Kevin and soon he was taking off her bra.

His hands immediately searched her skin, leaving shivers across her skin. She moved against him feeling him getting harder. His head leaned back and he tightly grabbed her hips pressing his upward against her. She couldn't take the teasing. It was hot and good, but she needed more. The real thing. She broke away from him, taking her jeans off.

"Do you have..."

He looked up to her, his eyes were a bit glazed. He blinked a few times before nodding. He reached in his back pocket and grabbed the square wrapper.

Moments later, clothes were on the floor and Alexis was back on Kevin's lap rocking against him. He had become breathless, but never slowed his pace. Every time she moaned or panted, it felt like the pace increased, making it feel like her skin was on fire.

Before she could tell what was happening, she was on her back and Kevin was hovering over her. His eyes connected with hers and she felt a strange feeling come over her. She quickly pulled his face to hers, connecting their lips. The kiss was fast and rough, while Kevin's hands slid across her body. Each thrust made her body shake against him. He buried his head into her shoulder as she moved her hips against him and pulled him closer, she needed him closer, deeper. She knew it wasn't going to be long before she was coming undone, she just needed more. More from him.

She dug her nails into his back, making his hips to jerk forward with the right amount of force to make her whole body react. The feeling was better than she could ever describe. Every part of her body was pleasantly light and blissfully numb. More importantly to her, her mind was blank. No thoughts, no images flooding her head.

While laying there, waiting for her senses to return, she felt him lightly run his lips against her neck. She knew it had to be done deliberately, so she laid still for moment, waiting to see what he was doing. His lips kept dragging over her skin, making more tingles spread through her. She closed her eyes, trying to figure out what he was doing and why she wasn't stopping him.

Soon his lips were nearing hers. She bit her lip to avoiding making any noise, afraid that any sound would cause this feeling to stop. She didn't know what this feeling was, but she didn't want it to leave, not yet. His lips skipped over hers, moving the other side of her neck. She swallowed down the disappointment and tried to remember everything that was happening.

He was kissing, nipping at her neck. She didn't know why he was doing it. Last time after they had sex, he was in a hurry to get away from her. What had changed?

His lips moved back, dragging his tongue against her skin. She knew she was blushing, the heat in her face and chest was hard to ignore. One of his hands moved into her hair, as his mouth descended on hers.

She could no longer bite her lip, so the soft moan came out and she somehow didn't care. She didn't care about anything in that moment. Her hands slipped around his neck, keeping him close. His free hand moved to her hip. His thumb gently rubbed against her skin.

The kiss was slow, sweet, and firm. His tongue trailed her bottom lip and she unclenched her jaw, letting him have what he wanted. His tongue moved against hers and she responded back, giving back as much as she got. His hand moved from her hip, up to her face.

The kiss ended with him rubbing her cheek. Her eyes opened on his looking at her. The look on his face was something she couldn't decipher. His eyes were glazed over, just how she expected hers to look. His fingers gently moved through her hair. She wasn't sure how long they laid there looking at each other, wordless, but it didn't feel long enough when she heard three knocks against the front door.

Their eyes moved to the door and then they locked onto each others. She didn't know how to proceed. Should she wait for him to move, or should she be the first to move?

"It might be dad or Kate," she said, trying to get him to respond. She ignored the feeling of sadness, when he pulled out and got up.

They quickly got dressed and Alexis practically ran for the door. She didn't know who it could be, but she wasn't happy that they were showing up at this moment. She looked around and saw that Kevin was completely dressed. She couldn't look into his eyes because she might have a hard time looking away from them.

She opened the door and saw the one person she didn't expect to see at all.

"Jake?"

"Hey," he smiled. "Martha sent me."

Alexis' brain was swirling. There was too much for her to try and figure out.

"I'm sorry. Why did she send you?"

"She said that you had notes that I was supposed to look over."

Alexis vaguely remembered that. "You couldn't have stopped by tomorrow?"

"I'm working two shifts, so no. I'm sorry, if you want me to leave, I can go tell—"

"No," she sighed. The last thing she needed was Martha being upset with her. "I know where they are." She bit her lip. "Come in." This had the potential to become very awkward.

"I'm sorry, I didn't know you had company."

She turned around and saw that Jake had spotted Kevin.

"Jake, this is Kevin. Kevin this is Jake, he works at the school with me." Kevin nodded. "I have to go grab something out of my room. I'll be back."

She entered her room and nearly had a heart attack. Martha obviously had him come over because she was hoping to play matchmaker. Alexis sighed. No words could describe how awkward this was. While searching for the notes, she heard talking from the other room, but couldn't make any of it out. She was glad to be out of that conversation. She wouldn't be able to make a casual conversation, given the circumstances.

She found the pink index cards in her bag and quickly grabbed them. When she returned, Kevin was leaning against the wall, hands in his pockets and Jake was looking down at his feet. She ignored the tension and extended the notes to Jake. "Here."

"Oh, thanks." He nodded with a small smile. "I should get going."

"Okay." She nodded. "I'll see you later."

"Yeah, thanks again." He walked to the door and before he left he gave a look to Kevin.

Once he was gone, I turned around to face Kevin. "Well, that was awkward."

He nodded. "I should probably get going too."

She nodded. "Yeah, okay." She didn't know how to act around him anyway.

"Goodnight." He walked past her and she had to stop herself from reaching out for him.

He left her standing in her apartment, wondering what the hell had just happened.

* * *

"Lanie's been going so crazy here lately, bro. Bridal brain is making her even more temperamental. I'm afraid for my safety."

Kevin laughed at his partner, walking back into the bullpen. "Planning weddings does that. Jenny got like that too."

"How'd you get through that? She couldn't have been as crazy as Lanie," Javi said as if he already knew it to be true.

"I don't know. She'd get so overwhelmed with the planning and everyone offering suggestions, that for like a straight week, I was afraid to breathe in her direction." Kevin remembered those days and he was glad they were just a memory. "All I can say, is it sucks to be you."

"That ain't even the scariest part, bro." Kevin didn't ask, because he knew Javi would tell him anyway. "She's already talking about having kids!" He patted Kevin on his shoulder. "Kids, man! Why in the hell is she already thinkin' about kids?"

Kevin couldn't reply. He just sat at his desk and looked down at the paperwork before him. It never occurred to him that he would have to deal with this. It shouldn't have been surprising. Javi and Lanie were getting married, eventually they were going to get to that point. He just always imagined he'd have his own child by the that time.

Javi bit the inside of his cheek. "Bro, you okay?"

Kevin stared down at his desk and nodded.

"So what do I do? Tell her that she's insane or have a million rugrats roaming around?"

Kevin sighed. "I don't know. Do whatever you want to do."

"I want to tell her that she's insane, but that might end painfully for me." Kevin tried to block out the words, hoping Javi would just give up. "Can you please offer some wise words, Mr. One Marriage Under His Belt?"

"A failed marriage."

"But you're back with her, and we all know you guys will go down that path again."

"I don't know about that," Kevin said, shaking his head. Marriage wasn't something he wanted. Not with Jenny. Not with anyone.

"I do," Javi said. "So?"

"What?" Kevin asked, annoyed.

"What do I do about this baby thing?"

Baby thing? Kevin shook his head. He couldn't do this. Couldn't hear him talk so indifferently on a subject that still pained Kevin every time he thought about it.

"Don't care, Javi."

"Bro,"

"Javi, I really don't care. Have kids! Don't have kids!" Kevin gathered the attention of more than a few officers. "I don't give a damn!" He got up from his desk, and walked away before Javi could say another word on the subject.

Kevin took the elevator, which happened to open up with Beckett and Castle inside. Kevin nearly ran into them as he tried to make his exit.

"Whoa, Ryan, watch out," Beckett said, grabbing his shoulders. "You almost knocked me over. You okay?"

He looked back and forth between Beckett and Castle, who were eyeing him like he was crazy. Maybe he was. "I'm fine. I just need some air." He got on to the elevator and they stepped off, still looking at him with concern. He quickly pushed the button, making the doors close.

* * *

He hated making scenes, but he was getting more and more angry as he thought about what Javi had said. Javi had brought back feelings that were still raw to him. He felt a little bad for exploding at his partner, but he couldn't talk about something like that. Didn't Javi know that?

Kevin stepped off the elevator, finding the doors leading out. He hadn't lied, he needed air to clear his head, which was going to be the most difficult task. Once his mind got stuck on the baby, it was hard to go back. All the talk about children didn't help.

He wondered how Alexis dealt with it. It had to be harder for her. He couldn't exactly call her and talk to her about it, not that he thought talking about it would help, but if he was going to talk to anyone, why wouldn't it be her? He couldn't call her though. They had left things in a very strange place.

He had crossed a line. He knew it was inappropriate when it was happening, but for the life of him, he couldn't stop touching her, kissing her. There was something about the whole experience that still bothered him. There was moment that things had changed for him, he didn't know when it happened, but it did. He knew it happened, he knew that he crossed a line and she went with him, but he didn't want to accept it.

Calling her would be a mistake. She would reject him. Maybe she was with that guy now. Kevin couldn't remember his name, just the way he looked at Alexis. He watched her intently and Kevin didn't know if she noticed it or not.

Something about thinking about her and that guy together rubbed him the wrong way. A guy like that didn't seem like he would be able to deal with the plight Alexis was trying to handle.

Jenny couldn't help him. Maybe that's why whenever he got mad or sad, he wanted to call Alexis. He didn't want to use words to let her know how he felt. He wasn't ready for that, and he didn't know if he would be ready for that anytime soon.

He shouldn't call her, but his phone was already in his hand. If they were going to use sex for an escape from their problems, they needed to use each other. He knew he wouldn't be able to speak, because even though he wasn't as mad as he was, he was still feeling vulnerable, something he didn't want her to hear. He decided to text her.

'Are you busy?' He sent and almost hoped she wouldn't reply back.

'No. Want to come over?' He stared at the screen for a while. She replied back and she was willing to see him? Maybe he hadn't screwed things up.

'I can be there in a half hour?'

'Okay.'

When he showed up, almost all his anger had faded. It was now replaced with confusion. Confusion about their last interaction. He wasn't sure if he had built it up in his head. She was willing to see him again, so maybe she didn't even think anything about it.

She had invited him in and he noticed that the apartment looked cleaner. Dishes had been done, all traces of the clothes that were on the floor were gone. She'd been cleaning, that had to be a good sign, he thought.

He turned and faced her. Her hair was down and wet. She wasn't wearing makeup, which wasn't anything new. He hadn't seen her in makeup ever since that night he took her out to the movie, the night she lost the...

"What?" she asked, giving him a look.

He shook his head. "Nothing." She looked beautiful, was what he wanted to say, but he swallowed the words. He looked looked at her again and bit his lip. Why not? He thought. "I was just thinking that you look beautiful."

Her cheeks reddened, and she dropped her eyes from his. Why was she blushing, he thought.

"Are you okay?" she asked, looking back to him.

"I don't know."

"You don't seem mad." She moved a little closer.

"I'm not." He looked down, and put his hands in his pockets. "I'm just feeling confused, and I don't really know how to handle it."

His eyes closed. He couldn't look at her. He was making himself sound like a fool. He probably shouldn't have said anything. Not that he was confused or that she looked beautiful. He didn't know how to keep his foot out of his mouth.

"Well, I guess that's why you came here, right?" Alexis' question made him realize that she was standing directly in front of him. His eyes slowly opened, meeting hers. Her eyes were so bright, so revealing, that he found himself getting lost in them.

"Right," he said, still looking deeply into her eyes. He heard her gulp.

"Well," she said, moving her eyes to his lips, "I'm here." His head dropped slightly, moving his eyes to her lips. They looked so soft. She moved against him, placing one hand on his chest and another on his bicep.

A second later his lips were on hers. His hand wrapped around the back of her neck, holding her close while his other hand moved to her waist. His fingers trailed up her shirt slowly. Her skin was always so soft and against his fingertips. His hand moved to her breast and lightly squeezed, making Alexis moan into the kiss and her arms snake around his neck.

It felt like a flame had ignited in him. He broke the kiss and backed away. He looked at her, meeting her eyes. She quirked her head to the side. The look on her face made him want to smile, but he didn't. He just stared at her.

"Why'd you stop?" she asked.

"I..." He didn't know what to say. He was sort of speechless. He wasn't sure how to describe how he was feeling, all he knew was that he was feeling different, different about her. Her eyes shined at him and he felt himself getting weaker.

"It's okay, I'm here. I want this," she said, moving closer to him. He didn't move away, he just looked at her, trying to formulate words, but nothing came out.

She moved closer, grabbing his tie, slowly removing it. He was distracted by her scent. Green apple filled his senses. He closed his eyes and let her slip his jacket off, let her unbutton and take off his shirt. She moved closer and kissed him.

It was a slow kiss, which was okay with him. He wanted to taste her, he wanted to take the time to discover everything about her. When her tongue entered his mouth, he knew he couldn't back out now. She wanted this, he wanted this, he wasn't leaving. He wrapped his arms around her waist, slowly, deliberately kissing her back with enough force to make her whimper against him. He moved his lips down her throat, taking in the softness of her skin.

"The bedroom," she gasped.

They entered her room in a hurry. She removed her shirt and pants while he finished getting undressed. She unclasped her bra, but he didn't give her anytime to do anything else, when he moved against her, bringing her down on the bed. He kissed her while his hands touched every curve of her body. She groaned when one of his hands slide up the inside of her thigh.

He somehow restrained himself when he felt how wet she was through her panties. His lips moved across every bit of skin he passed. Her fingers ran through his hair as he dragged his tongue across her breast, circling her nipple. Her could hear her suck in her breath. He moved down her body, laying light kisses.

He was getting more and more hard with each kiss and noise she made. He pulled away long enough to get a condom and put it on, while she removed her panties.

He leaned against her and she wrapped her legs around his waist, kissing him. He wanted this so bad that he wasn't sure how he'd be to restrain himself with her.

She loudly moaned as he entered her. He wasn't sure what he enjoyed more, the feel of her around him, or the noises she made. He kissed and nipped her neck, trying to find out what other noises she could make. Her body arched, causing amazing sensations from the way they were connected. He breathed in her neck and her hips jerked along with his.

His pace accelerated, and her moaning intensified. He was so deep in her that he was sure she would come undone at any moment. She was so tight around him that he didn't know how he was able to hold on for this long.

Her hands ran up his back, scratching him with her nails. It felt so good. He felt her getting tighter and tighter and around him. He groaned and her name escaped him. Her nails dug deeper into his skin with each thrust until they were both groaning as the world became a distant memory.

* * *

She didn't know how to feel. Was she supposed to be happy about what just happened? Part of her was, if she were to be honest with herself. She was very happy, but a more dominant part of her was beyond conflicted.

From the moment he came through that door, she knew something was off. There was something about the way he looked at her. A red flag went off when he had called her beautiful. It wasn't like him, not like the "Kevin" she had been seeing for a the past month. He must have been going through something pretty rough to try and sweeten her up.

She'd be lying if she didn't enjoy the attention he had given her, the way he moved slowly, but again, it wasn't him. The final warning went off when he called out her name. Something he had never done before. She knew that it was different, but she was too far gone to stop him.

Now, while they stood at opposite sides of the bed, getting dressed, she knew she had to say something. Things were getting too real for her, and it wasn't fair to either of them to keep it going. She needed to end things.

"We should talk," she said, pulling her hair into a messy ponytail.

"What about?" he asked, putting his shoes on.

"About this." She was having an internal struggle for power. Part of her wanted to tell him everything, how she felt about him. How she loved him and wanted to be with him, but the other part of her demanded that she wake up and realize that would never happen. "I think it's time we stop this." It hurt to say that words and to see the look of confusion on his face as a frown formed.

"Why?"

"Because this isn't healthy for us. We aren't really healing by doing this; we are just pushing the pain to the side. It always comes back."

"I thought—" He shook his head. "I thought you wanted this?"

"I did. I thought it was helping, but it isn't. It's just not healthy for us. I want us both to be able to be happy, but I don't think this is the way for that to happen." Each word made her sick, not because they were lies, but because she could see her words affecting him.

"Where is this coming from? Because before—"

"It felt good Kevin. I was weak, but now I can see that we need to handle our grief in another way. Plus, you are with Jenny."

"What does she have to do with this?" She noticed his voice turning angry.

"You are with her. I can't."

"Can't what?"

"I can't just be the girl you cheat on her with." She officially hated herself, but she thought she was doing the right thing. She was letting him go. He'd be with Jenny, and even though that made her sick to think about, she wanted him to be happy, something he couldn't be with her.

They stood there, not looking at each other for a long time. Alexis knew trying to talk him down, wouldn't help, so she didn't try.

"I should go."

She looked up and met his eyes and nodded.

He walked out of the room, but stopped at the doorway. "You're not just the girl, I cheat on Jenny with." He still wasn't looking at her.

What was that supposed to mean? Was he just trying to make her feel better about herself? She didn't say anything, and after a few moments, he was gone, out of the apartment, and probably out of her life for good.

She wanted to cry.

* * *

 **Comments would be appreciated :)**


	9. Chapter 9

"Earth to Kevin Ryan!" Javi yelled, tapping Kevin on his shoulder.

"What?" Kevin asked, still keeping his eyes glued to the one person he had been watching for most of the night.

"What are you doing? You're with Jenny," Javi snapped, breaking Kevin's concentration.

"I know, what makes you think I don't know that?"

"You've been staring so hard at Alexis all night that I am pretty sure I should arrest you for harassment."

Kevin groaned, knowing Javi was right. "Don't worry about it."

"What is it with you and her? I thought you didn't have feelings for her?"

Kevin squinted at his newly wedded partner. "I don't have feelings for her."

"Then what's with the creeper vibe you have been exuding for her?"

Kevin shook his head. He wasn't sure why he hadn't been able to look away from her. She wasn't looking at him at all. She hadn't even given any indication that she even knew of his existence.

Maybe it wasn't about her. Maybe it had more to do with the guy she was with—the guy who hadn't taken his hand off her waist.

Kevin shook his head again, trying his best to keep his eyes off them. He shouldn't be staring at them at all. His eyes scanned the room until he found Jenny talking to with Castle and Beckett.

"I'm going to go talk to Jenny," Kevin announced to Javi.

"Good. That's where you should be."

Kevin rolled his eyes. "Catch you later, bro."

While making his way over to Jenny, he looked over to see Alexis. She was dancing with her date. She had a smile on her face as she was looking up at him. A wave of anger, mixed with another emotion he wasn't going to admit to, filled his body. He looked away, reaching Jenny. He lightly tapped her on the shoulder.

Jenny turned around and smiled up at him. He smiled back before looking to Castle and Beckett. "Sorry guys, but I have to borrow her."

"No problem," Beckett said with a smile.

He grabbed Jenny's hand and lead her into a hallway.

"What's going on Kev?" Her question was silenced as his mouth come down on hers. He rushed her against the wall, pinning her body against his. He ran his hands down her side, grabbing her hips as he grinded against them.

Jenny placed her hands on his chest and moved him back. He was out of breath and confused.

"What the hell?" he asked.

"I should be asking you the same thing. What are you doing?"

"What? I can't kiss you?"

"Yes, you can, but now's not really the time or place to be doing this."

Kevin couldn't understand what she could possibly mean. He looked around and hoped she was only talking about the fact that they could be caught by anyone at anytime.

"We can go somewhere private?" he suggested, hoping that's what she wanted.

"Are you seriously saying you want to have sex in a church while attending your best friend's wedding?"

Kevin cupped her face in his hands. "I want to have sex with you. That's all." He kissed her again, making it slow and firm, knowing how to leave her wanting more. Her hands pushed him back again.

"Kevin, stop it."

He was taken aback by the look on her face. Her mouth was covered with a frown and her eyes filled with disbelief. She gave him a look of absolute disgust. He didn't understand why she was upset.

"What's your problem?" he asked moving away from her. "You practically begged me to take you back, and don't act like we haven't been having sex more than we ever did before. Why now have I crossed a line?"

"I don't want to have sex in a church, Kevin!" Jenny yelled in a whisper so nobody nearby would hear.

Kevin threw his hands in the air. "Fine, then you won't have sex in a church." He walked away from her, trying to remain calm. So she didn't want to have sex with him in a church. He wasn't going to fret over it. He didn't need sex right this second.

"Kevin!" Jenny called after him.

He turned around. "What?"

"Where are you going?"

He sighed. "I'm going back in there, since being out here isn't really as fun as I thought it would be."

* * *

Entering the reception, he knew he needed to go straight for the bar. Walking through the crowds of people, Kevin kept running into people. People he knew, people he didn't. All he knew was that they were blocking him for his destination.

He found a break in crowd and quickly exited through it. Maybe if he could get some alcohol in him, he'd be able to hold off until he and Jenny got back to his place.

He saw the bar and was just about go over to his version of paradise in that moment, when he let himself look over, seeing Alexis and her date walking off the dance floor. He rolled his eyes, but they stayed on her. She looked beautiful, like she often did, in a green knee-length dress—a dress that hugged every curve of her body and then hung loose from her hips. His eyes stayed on her hips as they swayed while she walked. Soon his vision was blocked as he saw a hand slap her ass.

Kevin was surprised with how much anger he felt flowing through him. She had turned him down, told him that shouldn't be using sex as a way to deal with their pain, but she could sleep with this guy? How could she be such a hypocrite?

He wanted to go to her. Talk to her. He wasn't going to let her look down on him for doing the same thing he was doing. When he had decided to go say something, he saw her making her way to the bar. He wasn't sure how to start a conversation without causing a scene. Maybe he could get her alone.

He was a few steps away from her and his feet moved forward seemingly without his knowledge, because when he got to her, his mind was blank. All the words left his brain when her eyes met his. Her eyes grew bigger and a lump grew in his throat.

"Hi," she said.

Did she seriously just say that? She tore him into pieces and then when they come face to face, she says that. He couldn't believe it.

"We need to talk."

"No." She shook her head. "I need to get two drinks and get back to my date. You should do the same." Her eyes were no longer on his. She didn't look at him as she waited for her drinks.

"Your date is making you get him a drink?" Her eyes rolled, but she didn't look at Kevin. "How chivalrous of him."

"Stop," she sighed. "You don't even know him."

"Sounds like a good thing."

"What are you doing? Why aren't you with Jenny?"

"Like I already said, we need to talk."

"Why? There's nothing to talk about. We are no longer tied to each other in any way, so why would we need to talk?" She grabbed her drinks off the counter and looked over to him. "Have a good night." She turned to walk away, but Kevin wouldn't let her. He grabbed the drinks out of her hands and sat them back on the counter. "Kevin, what are you doing?"

"Come with me."

"What?"

"I want to talk, and it would be best if we did it in private."

"I don't want to go anywhere with you."

"It won't take long," Kevin tried. He didn't want to call attention to them.

"I have nothing to say to you. I need to go back to my date."

"Okay," he sighed, causing her to give him a look. "I'd love to meet him; he seems like a real standup guy. I'm sure we could find a bunch of things to talk about."

Alexis shook her head and pursed her lips. She walked past Kevin towards the exit. He knew she was pissed, but he wasn't going to let that slow him down any. He stood there in place for a few seconds before leaving the same way Alexis had.

When he walked out into the nearly abandoned hallway, he saw Alexis standing with her arms crossed and her back to him. He approached her, grabbing her wrist to face him.

"Alexis—"

"What the hell is wrong with you? Why are you so determined to talk to me? We have nothing to say to each other." Kevin instinctively took a step back as she took a few steps forward while yelling at him.

He took a breath. "Don't act like you have no idea what this is about."

"What are you talking about?"

"You told me that what we were doing was wrong and that you couldn't use sex as a means to escape from everything else, but if that's true, why are you with him?"

"Not that it is any of your business, but Jake and I are just friends."

"Just friends that smack each other on the ass? I'm not stupid, so don't treat me like I am!"

Her face reddened. "Like I said, it's none of your business!"

"It is if you're being a hypocrite after trying to tear me down!"

"You have no idea what you are talking about. Why don't you go get a drink and calm down," Alexis suggested only making Kevin's anger rise.

"What was it? Was I not good in bed? Maybe you did want to use sex as an escape, but you just didn't want to have sex with me!"

Alexis didn't say anything. She didn't even move.

"Well? Was that it? Did the shine wear off?"

"I… don't want to talk about this."

"Too bad! You slept with me before. What suddenly changed? Answer the question!"

"I don't want to." She shook her head.

"Is he better than me? Does he get the job done better?"

Alexis went to smack him, but he anticipated it and grabbed her wrist, pinning her arm against the wall direct behind behind her and pressing her against it. "No hitting your way out of this. Answer the question!"

"Let go of me," she said in a low voice.

"Answer me and I will." He countered.

She put her head down, not looking at him.

"I can't..." she said.

Kevin pressed his body against hers. "Does this not feel good? Just say it. I need to hear it. Tell me that he's better than me."

"I...can't. I can't. Let me go." Her eyes met his.

"Why can't you say it?"

"Why are you doing this? You don't need to. Jenny is right in there, so why are you out here with me?" She struggled against him, but that only worked in getting him more turned on.

She had asked a fair question, but Kevin decided he didn't have a clear and simple answer for her. He didn't want to think too deep into why he was pressed against her. He didn't want to think about why Jenny wasn't enough for him. He didn't want to think about how he hadn't been able to get Alexis out of his head. He just didn't want to think how good she felt against him. How aroused he was getting.

"Does he kiss better than me?"

"Kevin, stop."

"Why?" He grinded his hips against hers and he knew she could feel how hard he was. "You don't want this?" He frantically moved his hips against hers, making a small whimper escape her throat.

"Please." Her voice was breathy.

"Do you want me to stop?" He grabbed her hips and began to pull her dress up.

"We can't," she said, her eyes were closed and despite her words, she wasn't trying to get away.

"We can," he disagreed, lightly rubbing one of his hands up her thigh. She didn't say anything, she just bit her bottom lip. "We can go somewhere private."

"We can't, Kevin." Her breathing was coming fast as his hand kept moving up her skin.

"Tell me you don't want me. Right here and right now, tell me this doesn't feel good."

She opened her eyes just as his mouth came down on hers. His tongue forcefully entered her mouth and she moaned into the kiss. His hands pulled the bottom of her dress up.

"Not here," she breathed out.

Kevin looked around and knew she was right. He was actually surprised they hadn't been caught yet. Shouldn't that asshole be coming to find her?

He removed his hands from her and grabbed her hand, pulling her with him. She didn't protest as he opened the first door he found that looked like it wouldn't be used anytime soon. He closed the door and flipped on the light. They were in what looked like a storage closet. He moved a few things to the side before locking the door and pinning her against the wall.

* * *

Her mind was a blur. It had been that way ever since he kissed her. She didn't know why he was kissing her and if she was going to be perfectly honest with herself, she didn't care. She knew she had stopped their arrangement because of her feelings for him, but she wasn't going to let him know that she felt that way about him. He would think of her as being weak and that was a huge fear, not only for him, but everyone. She didn't want sympathy, she just wanted to feel good and whether or not if this was right or wrong, she felt good with him against her, kissing her neck and running his hands all over her.

She shouldn't have been here with him. Her family was there. Jenny and Jake were there, probably looking for them. They shouldn't be in there doing what they were doing, but when his hands went up her dress and his lips connected to hers, she didn't care if they were caught or not.

His hands dragged across her skin, finding the waistline of her panties. He pulled them down and she kicked them off once they hit the floor. He worked on getting his belt unbuckled, then pulled his pants down. Before she could think about anything, his lips were back on hers, while his hands moved up the back of her thighs, sending shivers up her spine. She grabbed his shoulders to steady herself as he lifted her grinding his hips into hers.

She groaned against his mouth and arched her back. She needed to feel him in her. She was no longer able to deny him. The feelings she tried to file away and forget were back and now she wanted him.

He groaned against her and quickly thrust into her. The kiss was able to silence her moan, but they couldn't sure that someone hadn't heard. His thumbs were digging into her hipbones and the pressure was better than she could have imagined. Her fingers dug into the back of his neck, keeping his mouth on hers.

He plunged in deeper with his next thrust and she had to break away from his mouth, the sensation was too good. She didn't want anyone to hear her, but small part of her didn't care. Each movement of Kevin's hips had her coming undone. She had never been satisfied with the same intensity, as when she was with him. He knew exactly what to do to make her lose herself. She could come undone against him and feel completely free of worry, judgment, or thoughts. She was just able to enjoy it.

His lips came to her throat and he caught skin in between his teeth, lightly biting down. Her heels dug into him and pressed against him. His fingers went through her hair, tilting her head back kissing and nipping at her neck. She had to bit her bottom lip when his teeth attacked her neck. The pain felt so good, but she knew it was going to leave a mark. A temporary reminder of this encounter. She wasn't sure she wanted one.

He kissed the skin he had bitten and thrust into her again with more force. She felt the pressure building and a small whimper escaped her. He only had to make that motion a few more times before she was overcome with a spine tingling sensation spreading through her body. Her head leaned against his shoulder as she felt her body temporarily go numb. The only movement after he pressed against her was their breathing.

The numbness faded and tingles lingered all over her skin. Kevin's forehead pressed against hers after their breathing regulated. She closed her eyes and basked in the moment of calm. No words were used as his hands went from her hips to her hair. His body calmed along with hers and she felt him slide out of her.

She placed her hands on his shoulders and unhooked her legs. He moved his down and pulled up his pants. He steadied her, grabbing her waist, when her knees began to shake. Their eyes met and she didn't see any anger, unlike when he first approached her. Her legs still felt a little like jello, she wobbled a little, but Kevin's hold prevented her from stumbling.

His hand softly touched her cheek, making it hard for her to look away. His blue eyes shined at her, while his thumb traced her cheekbone a few times. She was holding her breath. She wasn't sure if this was really happening or if she was imagining it. Things became even more dazed for her when he leaned forward and lightly kissed her lips. His lips moved slowly and softly, almost as if he was testing her. His hands moved so he was cupping her face.

She wasn't sure what was happening. The kiss wasn't lust-filled or rushed. It was soft and deliberately slow. It almost felt intimate and that feeling made her heart accelerate. She wasn't in control as her arms wrapped around his neck and pressed herself against him, deepening the kiss. She sunk into him and gave him all she had, only to be pushed away.

She stared at him breathless as he backed up and cleared his throat. He bent down and picked up his jacket off the the floor. He avoided eye contact, making her uneasy. What was he doing?

"You know, you should really reconsider this whole using thing," he said in a flat tone, looking at her. She noted that his eyes were different, telling her the Kevin who had just kissed her was gone.

Did that kiss mean nothing? Was he just messing with her, trying to get her to agree to sleep with him again? She looked at him and shook her head. Who was he?

She walked out of the room, needing to get away from him. She felt disgusted with herself. What had she done? Having sex with him? In a church? How sick and twisted was she? She should have never let him get under her skin.

She walked back to the reception hall, needing to leave. She would get Jake, try to come up with a good cover story for being gone. Maybe telling him she was feeling sick. She wouldn't exactly be lying to him, she did feel sick.

While straightening her dress out she bumped into someone.

"I'm so sorry," Alexis apologized.

"Don't worry about it." Her eyes widened when she heard the female voice. "Are you okay?"

Alexis looked to the woman standing in front of her. She hadn't planned on being anywhere near her, let alone running into her after having sex with her boyfriend.

"I'm f-fine..." Alexis stammered, not sure what to say.

"Have you seen Kevin around?"

Alexis felt heat spread across her face. What was she supposed to say? Lying was her only viable option.

"I saw him earlier at the bar," her voice was a bit shaky and she quickly looked away from Jenny, straightening her dress out. "I'm sorry. I have to get back to my date."

Her face was burning and she felt sick with this whole night. Why did she let any of these things happen?

She found Jake standing at the bar with a drink in his hand.

"Hey." She approached him. He looked to her and gave a strange look.

"Hey," he said, taking a drink.

"Sorry, I was gone."

"What?"

She frowned. "I left."

"You did?"

What the hell? "Seriously? You didn't even notice?"

"I'm sorry. I've just been talking to a few people."

Alexis sighed. "I'm not feeling well. Can we get out of here?"

He smirked. "Are we going back to your place or mine?"

She looked around, not sure what to do. She sighed. "Mine."

* * *

 **Hope you enjoyed. Let me know what you think with a comment :)**


	10. Chapter 10

Alexis hadn't been able to sleep the last few nights. Every time she lay down to go to sleep, a voice appeared into her head and kept asking her what she was doing with her life—what her plans were, why she was walking down a path headed for disaster. The voice was her own. She had answers for the questions, but they wouldn't be satisfying to her conscience.

She wasn't satisfied with them herself, but she tried not to think about them and usually she didn't have to. Usually she had someone there to distract her. She and Jake had been together for a few weeks. Castle and Martha absolutely couldn't be happier. Alexis, on the other hand, felt trapped.

Castle had told her, once finding out about her and Jake, that he was glad that she was finally making herself happy. That made Alexis' heart break a little more than it already was. She wasn't happy. It wasn't anything personal about Jake, she just wasn't happy with the way she was living her life. She wasn't living it for herself. She was living each day for other people, people she didn't want to disappoint.

The only person who wasn't fool by her pretend happiness was Kate. Alexis noticed the worried stares Kate would give her, when everyone else would just smile at her. She loved that Kate was worried about her, but willing to keep it to herself. She had learned by now that Kate wouldn't share secrets.

Though something about Kate knowing did make Alexis uneasy. Maybe she just didn't want Kate to think any less of her. The detective had been there during the most hectic parts of her life. Kate helped her when she was dealing with the aftermath of sleeping with Kevin,and when Alexis thought she was pregnant, her first call was to Kate. Kate never judged, only offered support and encouragement.

After the miscarriage, Kate had been there to hold Alexis' hand. She didn't offer words, because she knew there was nothing she could say to lessen the pain, she just was there to be a shoulder to cry on.

The detective had quickly became her best friend. She loved Kate and trusted her with anything. She was only afraid of letting her down, along with everyone else in her life.

"You staying late?" Javi asked, stopping at Kevin's desk as he slipped his coat on.

"Yeah. I picked up a shift for Ramirez." Kevin didn't lift his eyes from his desk.

"You been doing that a lot lately, huh?"

"I can use the money. Besides, I have nothing better to do with my time," Kevin said matter-of-factly.

"You getting any sleep?" Javi sat on the edge of Kevin's desk.

"Enough."

Javi shook his head, but all he did was sigh and stand back up. "See you later, bro."

"Yeah." Kevin waved him off.

The last couple weeks for Kevin hadn't been his greatest. So instead of drowning his sorrows he tried to get as many hours at the precinct that he could.

Jenny had ended things with him the day after Javi and Lanie's wedding. She'd found out what happened. Alexis' bright red lipstick had been smeared on the collar of his white shirt. There was no way to try to make a cover story, not a believable one anyway.

He hadn't really been affected by it. It didn't matter to him because he wasn't happy with her. She used to be a huge part of his life, but one night had changed that. They both had changed and they didn't make sense as a couple anymore.

Nothing really made sense to him anymore. His life had become one mistake after another and even though he knew they were mistakes, he still decided to make them. He had made more mistakes in the last few months than he could count, but while he was making them, they felt right. They felt good.

"Yeah, she's been smiling—a sight I thought I wouldn't see again." Kevin noticed Castle's voice. He didn't raise his head from the file in front of him. "We are having sort of a double date with them, won't that be fun?" Castle asked Beckett, as she cleared the murder board.

"I hardly even know Jake. It might be nice to get to know him better."

Kevin's stomach involuntarily twisted at Jake's name. He had only met the guy once, but already made up his mind that the guy was a lowlife. Why was Alexis with that guy? Why he did he care?

"He's a really great guy. Mother talks about how sweet and respectful he is," Castle told Beckett, causing Kevin to almost laugh. He'd seen the way Jake looked at Alexis. He didn't look at her the way she deserved to be looked at. That night at her place when Jake showed up, he looked at Alexis' ass. Did that make him respectful?

Kevin shook his head at himself. Why was he acting all high and mighty? He had used Alexis for sex on more than one occasion. He was worse than Jake could be.

"Hey Ryan, you staying?" Beckett asked.

"Yeah." He nodded, not meeting her eyes.

"Do you need anything? Coffee?"

"I'm good. Thanks."

"Okay. I'll see you later."

He gave her a nod and small smile.

He now had a bad taste in his mouth. Alexis was with Jake, the who smacked her ass at Javi and Lanie's wedding and ordered her to get his drink. Kevin didn't like that image. He didn't like the way it made him feel like he was going to throw up.

* * *

"You don't want to go out? Why not?" Jake asked Alexis, while she cleaned dishes.

"I don't feel up for it."

"You are never up for it."

She sighed. "I know, but I don't know how to change that."

"It's easy. You just come out and forget about whatever is bothering you. Loosen up."

Alexis shook her head. She had no motivation to go anywhere do anything with him.

"What is it? Are you embarrassed to be seen with me?"

"What? Of course not."

"Then what is it?"

She couldn't tell him. It wouldn't end well, he'd leave tell Martha, who would tell Castle and then everything would get all screwed up. She down the plate she had been washing and faced him. He looked worried. She needed to change the subject.

"I don't want to go out, because I'd rather stay in and be with you." She wiped her hands with a dishcloth before wrapping her arm around his neck. "Do you want to go out or go into my bedroom?"

A smile quickly appeared over Jake's face. "Bedroom it is."

Relief flew through Alexis. He hadn't pushed the topic. He wrapped his arms around her waist bending down and kissing her.

If Alexis were honest with herself, the only thing she liked about being with Jake was the sex. They didn't really have anything in common. Jake liked to go out and drink with friends, which would be fine, if it wasn't almost every night. She had gone out with him and his friends drinking a few times and it almost always ended with her being pissed. He acted like an asshole.

Jake liked different music and movies than her. He wasn't exactly easy to compromise with unless it was sex. She'd pulled that card whenever he tried to get her to watch a movie filled with blood and gore.

She knew using him for sex wasn't good. She'd been in this very situation before, the only difference was that although being with Kevin was wrong, she always wanted it. With Jake, it was just a way to distract him or pass the time.

* * *

The day hadn't gone the way Kevin had expected. Chasing down leads that lead to nowhere. They hadn't been able to catch a break in the last two days. It was the worst feeling to know that the evidence was out there and they just weren't equipped enough to find it.

Javi was taking it better than Kevin. He was still able to make a joke, which was something Kevin used to do to keep their spirits up, but now Kevin didn't find anything funny. Even Castle's theories were beginning to get under his skin.

Once Kevin and Javi got back to the precinct and got out of the car, Kevin sighed.

"You okay, bro?" Javi asked as Kevin leaned against the cruiser, running his hands through his hair.

"Not really."

"What is it?" Javi asked, lean on the car, resting his hands on the roof. "Tired?"

Kevin nodded. "It's not just that though."

"What else?"

"I don't know what to do anymore, Javi."

"What do you mean?"

"I come to work, do my job, go home, eat, shower, sleep and start all over the next day. I used to do it for Jenny and for when we had kids, but now, I don't know why I am doing this. I am working the job and going home alone."

Javi sighed.

"Yes, I know what you are going to say: I have nobody to blame, but myself. I made poor decisions and now I have to live with the consequences. I get that, I do. I don't blame anyone else for the way I feel besides myself. I take full responsibility for what I did, it's just that even though I know I screwed up and that I shouldn't have done certain things, it doesn't change the fact that I did." Kevin ran his through his hair again. "I'm sorry Javi, but I am just tired of working for nothing. I'm tired of not being happy."

Javi's eyes raked over Kevin for a few seconds. Kevin knew he probably looked worse than death, by the look on Javi's face.

"What's stopping you from being happy?"

He could put all the blame on someone else, but Javi would see right through that. Kevin knew the blame for any of his unhappiness fell into his own hands.

"I guess I am." Kevin said, staring down at his hands.

Javi tapped the top of the car to Kevin's attention. "Let's try this, what do you feel would make you happy?"

Kevin bit his tongue. "I don't know."

Javi let out a breath. "Come on, we both know that isn't true. You know what you want and that's why you are frustrated."

"What do you think I want?"

Javi stood still a few moments, before walking over to the other side of the car, until he was standing next to Kevin. "I don't know, but I'm thinking that you don't think you deserve whatever you want."

"What if I don't?"

"Then change it, because you are the only one who can." Javi pushed himself off the car. "You have been so unlike yourself that I'm not sure I even know who you are. Do whatever you need to do to find the old you, take some time off work, talk to someone who can help, just do anything, because this new you is miserable and I don't like seeing it."

Kevin let Javi's words wash over him. He knew Javi was right, he wasn't the same guy anymore, it bothered him just as much, if not more than it did Javi. He just wasn't sure Javi's advice could help. He couldn't take time off work. Then he would be alone and with nothing to do. He didn't want that. Being alone with his thoughts wasn't something he wanted.

Late at night, when he tried to get some rest all he could ever think about was Alexis. He thought about her smile, a smile he hadn't seen since before the miscarriage. A smile he was sure he'd never see again. He was stupid to feel this way about her. To want her after everything that had happened between them. He knew that, but it didn't stop him from thinking about her. It didn't stop him from missing her.

He sighed when he noticed he was standing by the cruiser alone, he was always alone. Maybe he should take a little break. Maybe he could go somewhere far away from all his past mistakes, maybe then he would be able to stop thinking about Alexis.

* * *

What was wrong with him? How could he have possibly asked her a question like that? They had only been sort of dating for a month. Who asks someone they have only been dating for that short of a time to move in with them?

What made him think she would even agree to such an absurd idea? She didn't even love him. Maybe if she loved him, moving fast would be worth the risk, but she didn't, she wasn't even sure she liked him. When she had first met him, he seemed like a nice enough guy. He was always helpful, energetic, and treated everyone with respect. That's why being with him seemed like a good idea.

She was wrong. He was all of those things, at first. Recently, that guy who she first met didn't seem to be the same guy anymore. Now he was just becoming too clingy, which drove Alexis insane. The only time she wanted him that close was when they were having sex.

No matter what they were doing, whether watching a movie, eating at a restaurant, or even at Castle's, Jake always had his hands on her. Castle always said how cute they looked together. Alexis couldn't see it or didn't want to. She didn't care though. She didn't like Jake's hands being on her. It was like he was telling everyone that she was his and that was something she hated. She wasn't his; she didn't want to be his. His voice caught her attention.

"Well, are you going to give me an answer?"

"Why would you ask me that?"

"Because I really like you and I mean, we are around each other all the time." Alexis rolled her eyes. Did he not see that as a bad thing, because she certainly knew it was.

"You like me? That's why would you think this would be a good idea?"

"I don't get you." He sighed. "It's like you don't want me around."

"I don't want to live with you. I have only really gotten to know you over the last month. Don't you think that's too fast?"

"No, I don't."

"Well, I do. I don't want to move in with you."

He backed away from her and laughed. "So I am out of line for asking you to move in with me, but it was perfectly fine for you to fuck some guy at that wedding you took me to?"

Alexis was floored for a moment. "What?"

"Oh come on, I saw you leave with that guy. You came back in and were in such a rush to leave."

"What's it you?"

"Well, you say I want to move too fast. I guess fucking some guy in a church is the usual for you?"

"Fuck you." Alexis didn't realize what was happening, until her hand hit the side of his face. Her palm stung, but she couldn't lie to herself, it felt good, really good, but only for a couple of seconds, because then all she could feel was something hard hitting her face. She fell to the floor, not understanding what happened, all she knew was that her face felt like it was on fire.

* * *

 **Please let me know what you think in a review. Hope you guys are enjoying it!**


	11. Chapter 11

Kevin was taking Javi's advice. He was taking a few days off to re-evaluate a few things. He needed to right every wrong he'd ever made. He knew he wouldn't be able to truly move on until he had taken responsibility for everything that had happened in the past.

He knew it would be difficult, but if he could do such bad things, then he knew he could face the music and make amends.

He hated the fact that he betrayed everyone he cared about most in his life. He had almost lost Javi as a friend because of all the lies he had been telling him. He had almost thrown away someone who had his back no matter what, and Kevin knew that he was going to do whatever he could to show Javi that he was always going to be there for him in return.

He had completely killed any chance he had at trying to make amends with Jenny. At one point in his life, all he ever wanted was to make Jenny happy, to give her everything she ever dreamed of, to make her feel loved. He wanted to be there for her whenever she needed help, but that was all in the past.

Looking back, he was kind of happy things didn't work out with her. She had cheated on him, and he had the chance to forgive her. If he did that, maybe they would still be married, happily married, but he didn't. The woman he married, promised to love forever, made a mistake and he made the decision—a decision that defined him—to break her heart and immediately have sex with the first woman he saw. He could have stayed and talked to Jenny, worked through it, but no, he hurt her. He didn't deserve her if his first reaction was to hurt her. He had no right being with her in the first place. He was going to have to live with all the pain he had caused her for the rest of his life.

He didn't know if there would ever come a day when he could be in the same room with Castle and not feel like a huge asshole. He had made a mistake, a mistake that had a lot of ramifications, ones that affected Castle personally. He didn't know if he'd be able to ever earn Castle's respect again, but he was going to try everyday to show Castle and everyone else that he was was a man worth respecting.

He was going to make changes—positives changes. Everyone would be able to see the changes he had made, except for the one person he had hurt the most. The person he had felt the worst over hurting. Hurting her the way he had was the worst mistake he had ever made. She deserve so much. She deserved to be happy. She deserved someone who loved her and would never make her cry. He had made her cry more than once and just thinking about it made him feel sick.

Alexis deserved a lot of things. She deserved honesty, loyalty, respect, love, and she deserved the best of everything. He had always thought that way, but instead of telling her that and leaving her alone, he made a decision that had hurt her in more ways than he could count. She deserved for him to apologize in person. It would be hard for him, but he knew he had to do it. He had to see her, to apologize while looking her in her eyes. He would do it and if she didn't forgive him, he wouldn't blame her, but he was going to let her know that he felt like a terrible person for what he had put her through. He would grovel if he needed to because he loved her.

He was going to Alexis' apartment. His hands were sweating, his stomach in knots. He loved her and he knew this would be his last chance to try and make things right. He knew she wouldn't want to see him again, but he wanted her last memory of him to be him telling her how sorry he was for everything. He had treated her like a whore and when he could have stopped and maybe made things right, he didn't. He regretted that. He regretted not stepping up to the plate and telling her how he felt. He hated himself. It was his fault. All his.

* * *

Kevin got to her place and thought he might throw up. While knocking on her door, he was more than shocked when her saw her coming down the hallway. It wasn't the best light, but he knew it was her thanks to those long red locks. She stopped upon seeing him. She didn't move for a few moments until Kevin spoke.

"Hey." He rolled his eyes. Why did he say that?

"What are you doing here?" she asked in a panicked voice.

"I—" He cleared his throat. "Can we maybe talk?"

"Uh, now isn't really the best time." She walked closer, heading to unlock her door. He put his head down. This wasn't going to be easy, but he needed to talk to her. He looked at her face and shock made him immediately reach out to her.

"What happened?"

"Uh, nothing." Alexis felt heat spread across her face.

"Alexis," Kevin's voice turned from low and nervous to an almost angry tone, "Tell me. What happened?"

Alexis' hands stopped momentarily trying to sort through what was going on. She couldn't tell Kevin what had happened, that would be too embarrassing. She couldn't exactly lie to him either, but she didn't have a choice.

"Nothing happened." She went back unlocking her door.

"Alexis there's a bruise on your face. What happened? Who did this to you?" He reached out his hands to her, but she pushed them away.

The door opened and Alexis went inside. "Nobody did anything to me. Will you just leave me alone?" She went to close the door, ready to be alone, but she couldn't close the door. Kevin's foot was in the way. "Just go away!"

"No. Not until you tell me who did this to you."

"Nothing happened."

"Yes it did!" He pushed the door opened and walked in. "Who hit you?"

"Why do you care? You don't care about me! Just leave me alone!"

She saw his face twist at her words. "Alexis."

"No, just leave me alone! I don't want to talk or see you, just please—" The tears that were pooled in her eyes spilled over. "Just go." Her voice cracked and she was unable to stop the tears.

She had never felt more low in her life. She was a mess, her whole life was a mess. Why did she have to ruin everything? She put her hands over her face as the tears kept coming. She jerked away, when she felt a hand touch her shoulder.

Why was he touching her?

"Alexis, please, will you tell me what happened?"

She continued to cry, not knowing what to do. She couldn't tell him; he wouldn't understand. She didn't even understand. All she knew was that she wanted to be alone. She didn't want to listen or talk, she just wanted to curl up on her bed and cry.

"Who hit you?" Kevin's voice sounded from right behind her.

"Kevin, just go."

He put his hand on her shoulder, but she didn't move away.

"I can't go. Tell me who did this." His hand moved from her shoulder to the back of her head. Her body started to shake and she moved to him, leaning her head against his chest. She hated herself for liking the way he smelled and how warm he was.

He moved his hand softly and slowly through her hair. She felt weak, too weak to care that she shouldn't be allowing him to comfort her. She felt so stupid. She was crying in the arms of someone who didn't even care about her. Her heart hurt and she didn't think that it could bear anymore pain.

"Alexis," His voice was soft. "Tell me what happened, please."

"I broke up with Jake," she sobbed. Lying wasn't an option anymore.

"Then he hit you?"

"No, he did that before I broke up with him."

He pulled her back by her shoulders, and she wiped her eyes, being careful not touch the bruise on her face. It still stung.

"What? Why?" he stuttered.

"I don't know." She backed away, feeling like she had just made a mistake. Why did she tell him?

"Alexis, where is he?"

"No," Her brain worked quickly, even under the circumstances. "You are not going to see him."

"Why not? He hit you. You can press charges against him."

"I don't want anything to do with him anymore. Please just let it go."

"Let it go?"

"I'm fine all things considered. This will heal. I just want to move on—I don't want to deal with him anymore. I'm fine. You can leave now."

He stood still for a few moments. "Alexis, I—"

"Just go Kevin. I want to be alone." Part of her, a small part, wasn't so sure she wanted him to go, but she knew he had to. He didn't really care about her; she was sure he was only reacting this way because he was a cop.

He sighed and nodded. "Yeah, okay."

"Thank you." She let out a breath before walking for the door.

"Will you do me a favor?"

"What?"

"If you have any more problems with him, will you call someone? It doesn't have to be me. Just call someone so things don't get out of hand. Please."

She sighed and then nodded. "I will."

He let out a breath. "I—" He had started, but stopped. "Take care of yourself."

She opened the door. "I'll try my best." Her heart pounded in her chest when her eyes landed on the guy standing in her hallway. She backed away with a gasp.

"Alexis what is—" Kevin's words stopped when he saw what was causing her to react that way.

Alexis' breath caught in her throat. Why was Jake here? He walked in, his eyes landing on Kevin. She didn't know what to say or do. Jake's eyes locked on Kevin's as Kevin stared straight back.

"We need to talk." Jake directed at Alexis and then his eyes shot back to Kevin. The phrase, "If looks could kill" entered Alexis' mind as Kevin and Jake stood there, neither one moving.

"I don't think that's a good idea. You should leave."

"Why?" He turned to her.

"Because I don't want to talk to you. I don't want anything to do with you." A mixture of fear and anger filled her. "You need to leave, Jake."

"What, if I don't? You gonna get your boyfriend to make me leave?" Jake's eyes went back to the man who hadn't moved an inch since he first showed up.

"Just go. I don't want you here, so just go!" she yelled, which she didn't want to do, because anger wasn't going to diffuse what was already becoming a dangerous situation.

"Is this why you broke up with me?" Jake pointed to Kevin when he asked the question.

"I broke up with you because you hit me."

"I didn't mean to," he said as if it was a valid excuse.

Alexis let out a breath. "Jake, leave right now." She moved forward making him walk towards the door. "Go."

"I guess you don't need to be in a church to be such a whore." Anger flared up and before she could tell Jake to fuck off, another voice caught her attention.

"Didn't you hear her? Just leave." As soon as the words left Kevin's lips, her heart began to beat as if it were trying to escape her chest.

"And if I don't?"

Alexis shook her head. This wasn't going to happen. "Jake, seriously you need to leave, now!" She tried to push him away, before things got too out of hand, but all that did was get her shoved to the ground.

She had hit her head on the table behind her, and before she could get to her feet she heard a loud noise and then the ground vibrated. She looked in front of her to see Jake on the ground, and Kevin on top of him, and then Kevin's fist doubled back. She could have gotten up and went over to stop him, she could have even said something to him, but she didn't. She just watched as Kevin's fist connected with Jake's nose.

She winced at the image, but didn't do anything. She felt numb.

Kevin had reached Beckett to call in what had happened. Jake was sitting out in the hallway with a bag of ice to his nose, while Kevin walked around the kitchen rubbing the back of his neck. Alexis watched him carefully, seeing every emotion flickering over his features. Her head had just been checked. She'd have a bump, but she was going to be fine.

* * *

Once she was clear of people, she wanted to go to Kevin. He had saved her from what could have been a very painful situation, and he deserve a proper thank you. On her way to him, she was stopped by Castle.

"Honey, are you okay?"

"I'm okay, Dad," she sighed as he hugged her. He pulled away, inspecting her face. "Who did this to you?"

"Jake."

"What?" He looked genuinely shocked. True, Alexis wasn't Jake's biggest fan, but she never thought he would hit her. She hadn't even expected to hit him herself. "Why did he do this?"

"I don't know, but I smacked him first."

"That doesn't matter."

She shrugged. "When did this happen?" Castle asked, walking into the kitchen to get her some ice.

"He punched me earlier, and then after I broke up with him, he showed up over here."

Castle's eyes met Kevin's. "Why were you here?"

Alexis looked at Kevin, who looked back at her. She didn't know why he had showed up, but she wasn't going to let Castle try and make him feel like he should leave. They still needed to talk.

"I wanted to talk to her." His eyes stayed on hers, making her heart beat a little faster.

"Didn't know you two were on talking terms."

Alexis walked over, grabbing the ice from Castle's hands. "Without him being here, well let's just say things could have gone much worse."

"Really?"

"Yeah, Jake pushed me down and who knows what he would have done next. Kevin saved me from him." She defended Kevin. Which must have surprised Kevin; she noticed when his eyes moved to hers. It was true though. Jake had already hit her, who knew what else he was capable of? She was actually happy that Kevin had been there.

"I don't know what to say," Castle admitted with a look of confusion on his face. He turned to Kevin. "Thank you, Ryan."

"You don't have to thank me, Castle. I mean, I wasn't going to just stand there and watch him—" He stopped and shook his head. "I wasn't just going to stand by."

"Still, I'm relieved that you were here. I didn't think Jake was like that."

"Me too." Alexis agreed.

Everyone had cleared out and Alexis was feeling more relaxed about everything. Castle and Kevin had convinced her to press charges against Jake. She figured it would be best to make sure he couldn't be around her. Kevin wouldn't always be there if something happened.

Castle left with Beckett, even though Alexis knew he wanted to stay with her. She told him to go because all she wanted to do was sleep, which wasn't technically a lie. She'd had a hell of a day and she knew a shower and a nap was needed. Castle kissed her forehead and hugged her lightly, before leaving.

When Kevin tried to leave as well, she stopped him.

* * *

 **So...what did you guys think? Good? Bad? Let me know in a comment please :) Thanks again for all the feedback. I really enjoying reading your comments!**


	12. Chapter 12

"I owe you," Alexis started, knowing that she really did owe him. She had put him in an impossible situation, and she really did feel bad about it. He shouldn't have to fight her battles.

"You owe me nothing."

"Yes, I do." She looked down and saw that his knuckles were slightly bruised. "Your hand wouldn't look like that if it weren't for me. Sorry you were put in that position."

"Why are you apologizing? He was crazy. I'm just glad I was here before he did anything else."

She nodded and sat down on her couch, feeling a little light headed. "I shouldn't have been with him in the first place, he wasn't a great guy; I guess I was playing with fire." Kevin stood a few feet from her. She looked up at him. "Thank you, you know, for stepping in when you did."

"Don't thank me. I was just doing what anyone else would have done." He slipped his hands in the pockets of his jacket.

"Yeah, but you did it, so just accept my gratitude." He was stubborn, but Alexis could be more stubborn than him.

He seemed to be thinking hard. "On one condition," he said after a few moments of silence.

"What would that be?" she asked.

"If you can forgive me." His eyes flickered to hers and stayed there.

"Forgive you? For?" He'd protected her and now he was asking for forgiveness?

"Honestly? Everything." He sighed and walked a little closer sitting on the arm of the couch. "I've put you through so much. I can't even count all the terrible things I have done to you."

She took a deep breath. He was taking all the blame? "Don't be so stupid, and don't treat me like I am stupid."

"What?" He seemed shocked by her words.

"You really think you are to blame for everything?"

"I used you."

"And I didn't use you?" she asked. She knew she used him, and she felt terrible about it.

"Alexis—"

Before he could get out another word, she spoke up. "We both made mistakes, not just you. I knew what I was doing, Kevin, you never once forced me into anything." She sighed at his expression. "We both messed up." It would be easy, given his attitude, to push all the blame on him, but she couldn't.

"That's not true. I was the one who basically pushed us into that agreement."

"You make my decisions? Since when?"

"I forced myself on you."

"Kevin, I could have pushed you away at anytime, but I didn't."

"Why didn't you?"

"You know why. It was pretty obvious that I wanted it."

"I just feel like I have ruined everything for you. Like, If I would have never showed up at Castle's that night, you wouldn't have this," he pointed to bruise on her face, "or any of the problems you have had since that night."

"You're right." She nodded. "If you didn't show up that night, we wouldn't be sitting on this couch right now." He gave her a skeptical look. "But, you did." She sighed, feeling frustrated with him. "Why are you you so focused on what could have been, instead of what's happening right now?"

"Because I hate what's happening right now!" He moved closer to her. She wondered if he even noticed. "I hate that I have made you have to live through losing a child! I hate that you have that bruise on your face! I hate that you were with that asshole in first place!"

"Calm down, okay?" She wasn't sure, but she thought he was having some kind of break down. His hands were shaking. "Listen to me, I know I said awful things to you that I can't take back, but I never really blamed you for the miscarriage. It was just something that happened. No one could have prevented it."

He went to talk, but she stopped him. She wasn't going to let him get anymore worked up than he already was. "You were there for me the whole time that I was pregnant—some would say you were there too much—but you were there. You took care of me and the baby, and you did the best you could. I couldn't have done all of that without you." Her own words shocked her. She hadn't planned on say that. Something about hearing him confess how he felt about all these things made her feel less overwhelmed.

"You pushed me away." She heard the hurt in his voice, and it kind of tugged at her heart.

"Because at that time, I was stupid and was blaming myself for it."

"It wasn't because you hated me?"

Hate? Did he really this she could hate him? "Of course not." She shook her head him. "Don't get me wrong, I have been infuriated with you a lot, but I never hated you. It would be easy to say that you came into my life and put me through hell, but I was there, and I willingly went along with everything." She was seeing all clearly, maybe it had to do with the fact that they were actually talking about it. She was actually able to know what he thought, instead of just assuming things. "And this bruise, that's all on Jake, not you. Stop doing this to yourself, because it doesn't solve anything. If you are going to be upset, then go for it, but be upset for the right reasons."

Was this really happening? It couldn't be. He had come over to apologize to her, to make amends. He was going to apologize and leave. He never expected this. She was actually making him feel better. How was that happening?

"You honestly are saying that everything is fine between us?" he asked, almost laughing at the absurdity of it all.

Her eyes narrowed on his for a few seconds. "I can't make a lot of sense out everything that has happened, but I know that I can forgive you for your part in it, because, well, I understand why you did it. I understand because I was right there on the same page. We went about it the wrong way, but I can forgive you for it because I know you weren't intentionally trying to hurt me."

"You can forgive me?" How in the hell could she do that?

"Yes, I can." He noticed her shift in her seat so she was facing him. "Can you forgive me?"

"Don't do that."

"I didn't stop us from doing those things, so the argument could be made that I need to be seeking forgiveness as well."

"I don't blame you for anything."

"Good." She let out a breath, like a weight had been lifted.

"I was an asshole the last time we saw each other."

"Yeah, but I forgive you for it." A hint of a smile crossed her lips before she spoke again. "So, do you accept my gratitude?"

A small smile pulled at his lips. "You're welcome."

He sat there for what seemed like a long time, but it didn't bother him because he felt almost good. He had felt like there was something inside of him, eating at him, but now, he felt relieved, like for once he wasn't such a terrible person.

"Did you really think I hated you?" Alexis' soft voice caught his attention.

"I was pretty sure you did."

She let out a laugh.

"What?" He asked, kind of surprised to see her smiling. He'd missed that smile.

"It's just funny."

"What is?"

"Us."

"Us?"

"Yeah, I mean look at us—we are two people who have been through a lot of stuff and now, here we are, sitting on my couch, still able to talk to each other."

"Yeah." He smiled. He didn't think this was possible two hours ago, but he'd been wrong about a lot of things.

"Life is weird."

"Tell me about it."

"Has your heart ever surprised you?" she asked, causing him to look at her. She had serious face expression.

"You're confusing me."

She lightly smiled. "I'm afraid I'm going to confuse you even more." Before he could ask what she meant, her lips were against his. The lips he had kissed countless times before were on his and yet it was like he'd never felt them before. She tasted of vanilla. A few moments passed, before he was able to think about what was happening. Why was she kissing him?

Her hand grazed his cheek before backing away. His mind was in a swirl. He didn't know what to do or say. He wasn't sure why she would kiss him. Was it because of everything that had happened today? It had to be.

"I'm sorry,"

"You don't have to apologize. It's okay."

"No, I should have told you first."

"Well, given the day you have had, I'm not going to be mad at you."

Her face pulled together. "You think I did that because I'm emotional?"

"Didn't you?"

"No, I did that because," she stopped, biting her lip, which distracted Kevin's concentration. "I don't know how to really explain it."

"Okay?" He lifted his eyes back to hers.

"A few months ago, I started having feelings for you. I thought they went away after we lost the baby, but I guess I just pushed them to the side."

"What do you mean?"

She shook her head and her cheeks began to redden. "I don't know, I guess what I'm saying is that I had feelings for you and I thought I got over it, but I didn't. Somewhere in the craziness that has been our lives recently, I fell in love with you."

Kevin stared at her for awhile. He wasn't sure what he had just heard. Was his mind playing tricks on him? Did she really say that or was this just a dream he was having? She couldn't be in love with him, not after everything they had been through. That wasn't possible.

Was it? The only thing that made him think that it could be possible was his own feelings her had for her. He had them, even though he probably shouldn't. He shouldn't want her, love her. He didn't deserve her. Kevin's mind was trying to come up with other reasons why she could be saying those things, but his mind was coming back empty.

If he loved her, could she really love him? Could he be so lucky to be loved by someone as amazing as her?

He looked up to find her with her head down, cheeks still red. The sight made him feel uneasy. She was just sitting there and part of him was waiting for her to confess that it was all just a joke, but she didn't.

"You can't," he said quietly.

"Can't?"

"You can't or shouldn't be in love with me."

"What?"

"I don't deserve you. You're too good for me, so if you really do feel that way for me, you need to ignore it."

Stared at him wide eyed for a moment. "I tried to ignore the way I feel about you, and that didn't go too well for me."

"I don't think you are thinking clearly. It's been a long day."

"Kevin, I'm not saying this because I have had a hard day, if anything I would be making you leave, I'm saying it because it's true. Whether you want to believe it or not, I love you."

"How? How can you love me?" He couldn't make any sense out of it.

"Seriously?"

He nodded. "Yes, seriously."

"Well, including all the good and bad we have been through, you never once pushed blame on to me when you could have easily done so. You could have ran out when you found out I was pregnant, but you didn't, even though it ruined your marriage—you took care of me."

"Alexis, I played with your emotions. I used you for sex."

"Kevin, I knew what we were doing. You didn't make any promises to me; you didn't treat me like I was stupid."

"I took advantage of you."

"I took advantage of you too then."

"Alexis—"

"Just stop it. I don't care about any of that. It's in the past. I love you because even though we have been through a lot, including me being responsible for you getting divorced and getting you punched by dad."

"I had it coming."

"Still, after everything that you and I both have been through, you came here to talk to me. You came here and that shows me that you thought I was worth the risk."

"I felt terrible."

"You don't need to feel that way. It's in the past and I think it should stay that way. You could have stayed away from me, but you didn't. You came over here and saved me from a psycho in the process because you are a good person with a good heart."

He couldn't understand how she was able to see him that way. He had screwed over a lot of people, mostly her, and she was really willing to just let it go?

"I don't know, Alexis. I've hurt a lot of people."

"Not intentionally." She defended him.

"I hurt them, nonetheless."

He heard her sigh. "Kevin, can I ask you something?"

He nodded, looking down at his hands.

"Do you hate me?"

He nearly yelled. "Hate you? No, of course not." Was she misinterpreting his words? "I don't hate you."

"Then how do you feel about me?"

He let out a breath. What could he say? He looked at her, seeing her move closer to him. Why was she moving closer? Whenever she was close, he couldn't think clearly. He wasn't going to lie to her, she deserved his honesty.

"I have feelings for you," he said in barely a whisper. Her eyes widened. "But we can't act on them."

"Why not?"

"I don't deserve you."

"Shouldn't I be the one to decide that?"

He opened his mouth to tell that he couldn't make her happy, but he never got the words out as her lips descended on his. She pressed against him, by wrapping her arms around his neck. His mind went blank, like the first time she kissed him. The kiss was slow, not hungry or rushed. It was slow and sweet. Doubt clouded Kevin's judgement.

"Alexis," he panted, slightly moving her back.

"I know that you don't think this can work, and I understand it because of everything. However, things are different now, Kevin. We can be together."

"What if I hurt you?"

"It's a possibility. I could hurt you too, but that's true with any relationship." She moved her hands from behind his neck and pressed the palm of her hand against his cheek. She felt warm and Kevin leaned into her touch, but only for a moment, before moving away from her touch. "We don't have to take this fast; we can take it as slow as you want. It's probably best if we did. All I am really asking is that you give us a shot."

He sat there for awhile, her eyes on him. Could they really make this work? Would taking it slow actually help? He was more than thrilled she felt the same way from him as he did for her, but it scared him. He had too many unanswered questions.

"When I came here, I never expected this at all. I thought you'd kick me out." She didn't say anything, she just nodded. "I think maybe I should go."

"Kevin—"

"Just to think things through. You've had a hard day. My mind is all over the place. Maybe once I am able to get my bearings, I'll be able to think more clearly. Maybe you will realize you don't want this."

"I do."

"I just think we should take some time to really think about it, first. Can you do that?"

She bit her lip, but nodded. "Yeah, that makes sense."

"Okay." He felt a bit relieved. He needed time, and maybe she did too. They had a lot of thinking to do before they could start anything. She was vulnerable right now. She needed rest. She needed to really figure out what she wanted.

"Will you call me?"

"Yeah, just need a few days to think things over."

"Okay." She sighed. "I'm sorry if I am making you feel more confused."

"It's okay, I'm always a little confused." He stood up and saw a small smile pull at Alexis' mouth. She stood up and walked towards the door.

"Talk to you soon?" She asked turning back to him as she reached the door.

He nodded. "Really think about this, okay?"

He noticed her exhale. "I will, I promise."

He looked at her eye that was now black and starting to swell. He cupped her cheek. "Take care of yourself and put some ice on that."

She nodded. "Be careful."

He left feeling more confused than he had been in months. Usually his confusion with her, made a little sense, but this was uncharted territory. He had no idea how to even begin to figure it all out.

* * *

 **Thoughts? There are only a couple chapters away until the end. Please let me know what you guys think with a comment!**


	13. Chapter 13

One decision had set into motion one disaster after another. Kevin had cheated on his wife. He had gotten his best friend's daughter pregnant because of cheating on his wife. After one of greatest losses in his life, he had used a wonderful person, who didn't deserve anything but the best, for sex. He was disgusted with himself. He didn't know how she could forgive him. It didn't make sense.

He loved Alexis and he couldn't deny it. Even though he desperately didn't want her to feel the same way about him, he couldn't help the feeling of joy that she did feel that way about him. She had been unbelievably understanding about everything, but he did wonder if she actually felt that way. She had had been attacked, and then when he jumped in before she could get hurt again, maybe that messed with her head a bit. Maybe she was only being understanding because he had protected her.

He wanted to give her time to really know if that was what she wanted. He needed to think things over. Even if she did love him, did that mean that they could just wipe the past away and move on like nothing happened?

Kevin couldn't seem to get his brain in order. No matter how many ways he tried to come up with a conclusion, he couldn't. He was starting to take it as a sign that he should just tell Alexis it could never work, but the mere thought of it made him sick.

He needed advice and he knew only one person could help him. Tough advice was what he needed. So, when he called Javi over and told him everything, he wasn't surprised when Javi gave it to him straight.

"Kev, what do you want?" Javi sat down his beer and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "That's all it comes down to."

"I know what I want. I just don't know if I deserve it Javi. I've made so many bad calls with my life in the last year. I don't know if I should go after what I want; I might cause more damage."

"So you think the thing that will make you happy would be to be alone the rest of your life, punishing yourself? Bad things happen when you do that."

"Well, bad things happen no matter what I do, so what's the difference?"

Javi looked at him and shook his head. "You never made any of those decisions because of love, bro. You made those decisions because of anger and guilt—that's why it all went to hell, but you are being given a second chance, from the way I see it, so if you want it, take it, because I doubt if you truly love each other it will end badly."

Kevin let Javi's words settle. "I don't know, Javi."

"If you love her enough to forgive her and she loves you enough to forgive you, why can't' you just forgive yourself and move on?" Kevin sat there biting his lip. Could he forgive himself for what he put her through? She forgave him, but he wasn't sure why. Could it be because she loved him?

"Kev, do you love her?"

"Yes, I do." Of that he had no doubt.

"Is she worth the risk to you? Because you have the chance to make her happy the way that you seem to want so badly. You can be with her, by choice, not because you are confused or grieving. You can be with her because it is what you both want. So do you want that, yes or no?"

"Of course, I do."

"Then stop beating yourself up and just go for it. Seriously, you fucked up a lot of things, don't fuck up your last chance at being happy with her."

Kevin couldn't help the smile that came over him. Javi always knew what to say. He was right. The only way he could know whether or not things could work was to put his heart out there. It was a risk, but Alexis was worth it to him. He would do everything in his power to make her happy and fix everything he had done wrong.

* * *

"Maybe he just needs time, Alexis," Kate reasoned. "He probably isn't looking at this the same way you are."

Alexis just didn't get it. It had been three days since he left her apartment and she still hadn't heard a word. She didn't want to call or text him—she just wanted him to give her a definitive answer. She had told him how she felt and he felt the same way. Why couldn't they just be together? She knew he would never intentionally hurt her. He was going through a rough time, they both were, and they both made mistakes, but that didn't mean they couldn't work past it.

"What way could he be thinking about it?"

"Kevin feels guilty Alexis. He sees himself as a monster. He thinks he has hurt you, and he loves you, so that isn't something he can just get over."

"I forgave him for that."

"Maybe he isn't ready to forgive himself," Kate said, making Alexis worry. If he couldn't forgive himself, what did that mean? They would never be together? Thinking about that scenario made her feel sick. She wanted to be with him. How be okay if he told her he didn't want to be with her?

"What if he never does forgive himself? Then what?"

"He will. Just give him time, Alexis. Given how you feel about him, can you do that?"

Alexis nodded. "I guess so. I just hate waiting."

"He won't let you down. Kevin loves you and that means he will whatever he can to not hurt you. Give it a few more days and if he doesn't come along, maybe I could say something to him."

"You'd do that?"

"At this point I want you guys to be together, so yes, I will do whatever I can to help get you guys on the right path." Kate smiled and Alexis returned it.

A few days. She could do that, she knew it. He was worth the wait.

"Oh, shoot." Kate stood up. "I'm late to meet Castle. See you at the party?"

Alexis' smile widened. "Of course. I can't miss that party. You guys are finally getting your act together, and I don't won't to miss the celebration."

Kate smiled and gave Alexis a hug. "See you then and don't worry about all of this." Kate backed away. "He won't let you down."

"Hope you're right."

"I am."

Alexis exhaled and hoped Kate was right. She was ready to be happy and she knew she could make Kevin happy.

* * *

He hadn't seen her yet. He'd been running into everyone at the party, but he wasn't interested in making small talk with anyone, he only wanted to talk to her, to see her.

He felt like a jerk for leaving her, after everything she had told him, but he needed to sort through his feelings. He needed to be sure about what he wanted.

Castle's loft was all decked out in decorations. Streamers were hung and candles were lit throughout the loft. Balloons were in every corner he could see. There was also a huge banner that read: "He finally asked, she said yes!" Kevin knew that Castle and Beckett didn't have anything to do with the decorations. That had Martha written all over it.

"Here, try some of this." Javi brought over a drink.

"No, thanks," he sighed. He was happy for Beckett and Castle. It made sense that they were getting married. They were perfect for each other, and they deserved to celebrate this night with family and friends, but all Kevin could think about was Alexis. It had been a week since he had last seen her, and he missed her.

"What?" Javi snorted. "Since when are you too good to drink Castle's liquor?"

"Just rather be sober."

"Why? You got plans tonight?"

Kevin looked over when Castle's opened the door revealing Alexis."You can say that," Kevin said. Javi's eyes followed Kevin's.

"Does that look mean, what I think it means?"

Kevin ignored the question, his attention was now on the girl who had just made eye contact with him.

"You two are going to give me whiplash," Javi commented, before taking a drink.

"Yeah, cause you and Lanie were always pretty stable at the whole relationship thing."

"Low blow," Javi sighed, looking over to Alexis. "You sure about this, bro? I'm mean I want you both to be happy, just make sure this really want you want."

He looked at Alexis who was now surrounded by Castle, Beckett, and Martha. She was smiling, that beautiful smile she had. His heart began to speed up.

"I want her. No doubt."

Javi shook his head. "Corny as ever."

Once everything quieted down, Castle decide to make a speech. It was highly amusing as Castle was a little a buzzed, but he was able to hold himself pretty well. The whole speech was just Castle gushing over Beckett. A few cringe-worthy moments later, Javi turned to look at Kevin. "He's more corny than you."

Kevin rolled his eyes, but laughed. "Yeah, think so."

"You're next, you know that, right?"

"Next for what?" Kevin asked.

"Lanie and I took the plunge, now Castle and Beckett are doing it. You're next."

"Actually I was the first to take the plunge, if you remember."

"True, but now you're single, so you gotta start over."

"Like you said, I'm single."

"Yeah," Javi nodded, "but for how long?"

Kevin had made up his mind about marriage. He tried it and it failed. Did he really want to go down that path again?

"That doesn't mean you will be seeing a ring on my finger anytime in the future."

He happened to look over and see Alexis standing alone. She was looking down at her phone. He could go over to her now, or he could wait for another opportune moment. He didn't want to wait any longer, even though the thought of telling her that he was in love with her and that he wanted to be with her scared the hell out of him.

"Excuse me, I have some business to attend to."

Javi gave him a nod. "Good luck, bro."

"Thanks."

Kevin didn't know why he was scared. Alexis had told him to his face how she felt about him; why was he fearful of rejection? Maybe she was tired of him always leaving when she told him important things.

He shook his head at himself. Why did he always have to react the wrong way with her? He looked around to make sure nobody was approaching her but him. The coast was clear. He walked right in front of her, swallowing the knot the forming in his throat.

She looked up at him, her eyes widening. Maybe she wouldn't want to talk to him. Maybe she was pissed at him.

"Can we go somewhere and talk?" He asked, not taking his eyes off of hers.

She stood there for a few seconds, before nodding.

His heart nearly dropped. She agreed to it.

"We can go in the hallway?" She suggested.

He nodded quickly and she turned leading them both out of the loft. He was a little nervous. He hadn't really planned what to say to her. He probably should have, because he certainly couldn't just stare into her eyes, hoping she would just be able to read his mind.

* * *

Once they were out in the hallway, alone, he became a little less nervous. Not having an audience would make things a hell of a lot easier on him.

"So," Alexis started, "what did you want to talk about?"

He pried his eyes from hers, hoping to clear his mind so he could find some words.

"I'm sorry." It flew out, but he had meant it. "I'm sorry for everything I have put you through."

Her eyebrows pulled together. "What are you talking about?"

"I've put you through so much, and I will never be able to make up for it."

"Make up for it? You have nothing to make up for."

"That doesn't mean I'm not going to try my hardest."

A small smile tugged at her mouth. "You don't have to, Kevin. You're too hard on yourself."

"What?"

Her head shook and her eyes found his. "We've both put each other through too much. More than we needed to, but even with that being said, I love you and I forgive you for your part in everything that happened. Isn't that enough?"

Despite everything, she loved him and he loved her, more than he'd truly be able to tell her, but he did. He didn't know what that meant, but he felt damn lucky to be standing in the hallway with her. After everything he'd put her through, he was lucky she would even be in the same place as him, let alone have feelings for him.

"Yeah—"

"Then don't apologize."

"Even for the last time we saw each other?"

She shook her head. "I poured my heart out to you, and, well, you didn't know I was going to do it, so I can't blame you for being at a loss of words or reacting the way you did."

"Wow. I didn't expect that reaction."

She smiled. "Why argue over stuff that doesn't matter? You're here now, right?"

"Right." He nodded. How was he supposed to tell her? It would be so easy if she could lead him down that path, because in that moment, he didn't know how to even begin. He looked at her, and she looked back at him, her eyes searching for something.

"Why are we out here Kevin? So you could apologize?"

"That was part of the reason."

"Only part?"

"Yeah." Kevin's palms were sweating. He was damn teenager again.

"Kevin, are you okay?"

"This is kind of difficult to say."

"Because it's bad?"

"No, well, maybe, it kind of depends on how you feel about it."

She slowly nodded, giving him a skeptical look. "Well, I think I can handle it. So, what is it?"

"Okay, I'm just going to say it. The other day when you told me how you felt, well it shocked me, because I didn't think you could ever feel that way about me, given our history, but then it made sense the more I thought about it, because, well, I feel the same way about you. I want to be with you."

She looked a him for a second and then her eyes widened. "You do?"

"I do, even if I don't deserve you," he said, still nervous about what would happen next. Her eyes stayed on his as the seconds ticked by. He had to know what she was thinking. "Should I have told you?"

She exhaled and then smiled. "Definitely." He couldn't believe it. Had finally did the right thing. He told how he felt without it hurting her. "So what now?" she asked.

He lightly laughed. "Whatever we want, I guess."

She nodded, biting her bottom lip. His eyes went to her lips. They looked so good. She must have noticed his staring, because she moved forward a few steps, so their bodies were almost touching.

He moved his eyes away from her lips, bring them to her eyes. She was looking up at him, a question in her eyes.

"I want to make sure we are both on the same page."

He nodded.

"Are you saying that you love me?" She asked, narrowing her eyes in on his.

"I do." Hadn't he just said that? It was then that he realized he hadn't actually told her did. "I love you." Her eyes grew bigger and smile pulled at her mouth. She leaned forward sliding her arms around his neck. He encircled his arms around her waist.

"I love you, too," she said in the softest voice Kevin had ever heard. Her nose grazed his lightly before her lips pressed against his.

Kissing her made him weak, it always had to a certain degree, but it was heightened now. Her hands moved through his hair, as his hands moved across her back, keeping her close to him. He lightly licked her bottom lip, making her open her mouth, so his tongue could seek shelter against hers.

She moaned into the kiss, softly leaning against him. He was already starting to feel the effect of her warmth on his skin. He groaned, moving her against the wall. She bit his bottom lip and whimpered.

He had to pull away because he knew if they stayed in that position for much longer, he wouldn't be able to control himself.

"What's wrong?" she asked, catching her breath. Her eyes were slightly glazed over.

"Well, to start with, we are in a hallway. Anybody could see us, like Castle, and I don't want to get punched again."

She lightly laughed. "I wouldn't let him."

"No, I just think we should take things kind of slow, you know? I think we have to if we want this to work."

"Well, slow could be a nice change of pace." She agreed.

He smiled at her before connecting their lips once more. She was more than he ever deserved, but he knew that he would try every day to show her that he was worthy of her.

* * *

 **I'm updating earlier than I usually do, so I hope you guys don't mind. One more chapter to go! I'll probably post it on Friday, so look out for it! Hope you are guys are enjoying this!**


	14. Chapter 14

**Okay guys this is the last chapter. I hope you all enjoyed this crazy ride. I'm so happy that I shared it with you all! I need to give a special thanks to A.K. Hunter. Her help and advice was extremely invaluable. If you liked this story, she was a huge reason why :) Thank you all for your nice words and encouragement, you will never know how much I appreciate it!**

 **Here's the last chapter and I hope you all enjoy it. I tried to add just the right amount of fluff :) Be sure to let me know what you think with a comment. And again, I want to thank everyone who reviewed, favorited, and followed this fic. It means a lot to me, so thank you so much :)**

 **Also, there's a surprise for you guys at the end :)**

It had been a month since Alexis and Kevin started their relationship. In that month they had only been able to go on a few dates. Work had been keeping them both busy. Kevin had to work late almost every night, but he always made sure to call or text her.

Alexis had been working at the school with Martha. Jake had been replaced, which Alexis expected from the looking of pure hate Martha had in her voice when hearing what he done to Alexis. She had really gotten into set design and spent most of her time at the school. It felt too to have a place to go and just lose herself in something she enjoyed; she hadn't had the chance to do that in such a long time.

She was happy with her relationship with Kevin. It was still a secret to most of their family and friends. Kevin had told Javi and told him to keep it a secret until he and Alexis were ready to let everyone know, and he promised not to tell speak a word of it to Castle or Beckett, but he wasn't sure that he could stay quiet when it came to his wife.

Alexis had a plan about how she would tell Castle, Beckett, and Martha. She wasn't worried about Beckett or Martha finding out. She knew Beckett wouldn't be surprised by it and she definitely wouldn't try to talk her out of being with Kevin, not that it work anyway. She was only worried about her father. She knew things were weird between them but she was a little hopeful that he would accept the fact that they loved each other.

The plan was to invite them all over for dinner and then have Kevin there. She knew Kevin had to be there when she told them, not only because it would be easier for her, but because it was only right that he be there. They needed to tell everybody, especially her father, as a team.

That was the plan.

The plan had all but gone out the window when Gram walked into a very private and intimate kiss between Kevin and Alexis. Alexis should have known that kissing him that close to the back entrance of the school wasn't the best place, but Kevin made those worries disappear as his lips went to hers.

Gram had been a true sport about it, but Alexis knew that she needed to tell her father soon, or else he'd hear it from Gram and would never forgive Alexis for not telling him herself. She acted quickly telling her father that she had some news to share with him. What he thought would be just a private dinner between him, Beckett and herself, was actually going to be a double date, in a way. Kevin seemed nervous about the whole thing, but never verbally said it.

While making their way to the loft, Alexis squeezed Kevin's hand. "It will be like ripping a band aid off in one swift motion."

"So... painful?"

"Quick."

"And painful," he added, feeling the knot in his stomach tighten. "You know, your dad has a mean right hook. Still going to love me if I have a black eye?" He attempted to lighten the mood.

"Yes, but don't worry, I think he'll refrain from punching you. But if he tries, I'll protect you."

"You better. I'm half-tempted to start using you as a human shield before we even knock."

Alexis laughed. "Don't worry. He's a big boy. He'll be fine." She knew the only reason things escalated they way they had before was because of the situation. Kevin was married and had gotten Alexis pregnant. Everything was more stable now. The only thing keeping Alexis and Kevin in each others lives was their love for each other.

They got to the door and Alexis took a deep breath.

"I love you," he said before she reached her hand out.

"Promise?" she asked as uncertainty filled her body.

"Promise." He smiled and squeezed her hand.

"I love you, too."

Her hand extended and she knocked. 'Please let this night go well.' Alexis silently prayed to whoever was listening.

The door opened Alexis' heart began to race until she noticed Beckett. Beckett's eyes scanned over the two for a moment, her eyes landing to Alexis and Kevin's interlaced hands. A smile pulled at her lips.

"It's about time," Beckett said, before pulling Alexis into a hug. Alexis let go of Kevin's hand, so she could hug Beckett back. Over Beckett's shoulder she saw her father coming. A bit of a lumped formed in her throat, but she swallowed it.

"Hey, honey," he greeted.

"Hey Dad." Alexis smiled and walked forward to hug him. Alexis backed away and saw his eyes go to Kevin.

"Ryan? You here for Beckett?"

"Nope."

"Then what's up? We're about to have dinner."

Alexis knew this was going to be awkward, but she wanted to get it out of the way. She moved back and grabbed Kevin's hand. Her eyes moved from Kevin's back to her father, who had drastically wider eyes than before.

"Dad—"

"Seriously? You guys are together?" His eyebrows pulled together and Alexis felt as if she could feel her own heart beating.

"Yes." Alexis answered easily. The blue eyes that were looking at her quickly went to Kevin's.

"Is this true?"

"Absolutely." He squeezed Alexis' hand.

Alexis' eyes were glued to her father's, so she saw when he stole a glance at Beckett and frowned.

"Good going. Now I owe Beckett twenty bucks."

"I'm sure you won't miss it too much." Beckett grinned at him.

Alexis stood still, not really understanding. "Wait, you're okay with this?"

"Maybe the father in me wanted to think differently, but I guess deep down I knew it was inevitable." He nodded and turned his gaze to Kevin. "I have some words for you, though." He stepped forward and placed a kiss on Alexis' forehead and then looked to Kevin, before slapping his shoulder. "Follow me into the den, would ya, Ryan?"

Kevin looked to Alexis with a fearful look.

"Just nod. That seems to work for me." Alexis said, with a small smile.

Kevin nodded and then quickly moved towards the den.

* * *

He hadn't expected the night to go the way it did. He was nervous as hell about showing up at the loft to face Castle, and after the talk they had in the loft Kevin felt even more nervous, but he assured Castle that no matter what he would do whatever he could do to make Alexis happy.

He knew things wouldn't be easy, but he wasn't going to give up on her—not ever.

They all sat down and nice dinner. Kevin began to relax as laughs became a regular sound from Castle. He knew Castle was a wise man, but he still couldn't believe he was being so understanding about Kevin seeing his daughter, the daughter who Kevin had managed to hurt more than once in the past. Whatever the reason, Kevin knew he would not only spend everyday showing Alexis how much he loved her, but he would show Castle as well.

After returning back to Kevin's place, he and Alexis sat on the couch, relaxing while watching a movie.

"Well that didn't go as I expected," Alexis confessed placing her head against Kevin's chest.

"Yeah, I know. I didn't even get hit."

"You sound disappointed." She laughed against him.

"No, just surprised is all. He took it really well."

"Well, he's pretty smart, he probably knows we've already put each other through hell. What at this point could we do to hurt each other that we haven't already?"

"Makes sense."

Alexis began to move her finger against his chest, drawing random patterns.

Even though they had been together for a month, they hadn't really been intimate with each other. They decided to take things slow with each other, and he thought it was a good idea. At first he didn't even feel the need to try to sleep with her, not because he wasn't attracted to her, in fact, he thought about a lot, but he was enjoying getting to know more her. She was funny, smart, sweet, and surprisingly sarcastic.

In other words, she was more like Castle than he expected, but she didn't annoy him the way Castle's personality seemed to do. He liked seeing that side of her. The real her. It made him love her even more.

"Kevin?" Her voice broke through his thoughts.

"Yes?" he murmured placing a kiss on the top of her head.

"I'm tired."

He looked at his watch and noticed how late it was. He wasn't particularly tired, but he never passed up on the chance to hold her.

"Let's go to bed," he said, squeezing her shoulder.

After changing into some sweats and taking off his watch, Kevin slid into the bed next to Alexis, who was dressed in one of his shirts and a pair of his boxers. He turned off the lamp on the nightstand before pulling the sheet and covers over them. He settled in and, before he had time to do anything, Alexis moved closer to him, her body pressed firmly against his.

It was at that time that he realized sleeping next to her might be harder than he originally thought. He wrapped his arm around her waist, holding her and rested his chin on top of her head. He tried to find a place deep inside of his head to go, to distract himself from the heat coming off of the redhead currently pressed against him.

He tried to think about recent cases, hoping it would be helpful and it was going pretty well until Alexis' hot breath covered his neck. He tried to restrain his body from moving and embarrassing noises escaping his mouth. He tried his best to tell himself that it was stupid to get worked up over something that she clearly didn't do on purpose.

He quickly realized that he was wrong when he felt her lips on the skin of his neck, sending flames throughout his body. He closed his eyes kept allowing the soft kisses. In that moment, it felt good and he wanted it. His breathing became labored when the soft kisses became soft nibbles. Soon after Alexis' hands moved, gently rubbing Kevin's chest. Soon after she was laying kisses over his neck, leading down his chest and stomach.

"Alexis." He wasn't sure if it was just a reaction that her name had escaped him or if he actually wanted her to stop. Either way she did and gave him a confused look.

"What is it?" Alexis asked, in a worried tone.

"Are you sure about this?"

She gave Kevin a look of pure disbelief. "How could you ask such a thing? I love you, and I want to be with you in every way." She frowned at him and Kevin knew he had made a mistake. He felt instantly bad. "You don't want me?"

"Of course I do."

"Then what is it?"

"I don't want to move too fast."

"Kevin, how long are we supposed to wait? We both want each other, so what's the point in waiting? We are grown adults—we don't need these rules and guidelines." She sat up and moved to where she was straddling him. "I want you, isn't that enough?"

He cursed himself for not being able concentrate with her sitting on him. Maybe she was right; from the moment she touched him, he hadn't been able to think clearly. Maybe they had waited long enough.

"Kevin?" she asked, when he was unable to speak.

"Okay." Was his only reply before placing his hands on her hips. She bent down with a smile and connected their lips. The kiss was heated, very heated. Kevin was unable to hold back anymore. He nibbled on her bottom lip, making her moan into the kiss. He moved one hand to the back on her neck and deepened their kiss, while his other hand teasingly ran down her thigh.

He pulled away when he knew they both needed to catching their breath, but his lips quickly went to work on Alexis' neck. He pulled her closer on him and a small gasp escaped Alexis as she grazed his already hardened length. Her hands rapidly moved over his chest, before hooking her arms around his neck and connecting their lips.

Kevin couldn't take the pressure building within him, so he gripped Alexis' hips tight and rolled them over, never breaking the kiss. Alexis squealed into his mouth at the sudden movement. He moaned into the kiss and ground his hips into hers. His hands moved up her sides, bringing the shirt with him. He broke the kiss long enough to get the shirt off her. Before he could bend down to kiss her, he froze.

"You took off your bra?"

She smirked up at him. "You're disappointed?" she asked, in a teasing voice.

"You were trying to seduce me?"

"No." She shook her head at him, the smirk still playing on her face. "I did seduce you."

Part of him didn't want to admit that she was right, but the other part of him just told him to shut up and enjoy.

Kevin leaned down and kissed her. A long and slow kiss, trying to show her how much he loved her. She moaned and arched herself closer to him, making her hips press against his, driving him insane. He groaned, moving his lips to her neck and lowering her body back on the bed. His hands skimmed over her body, making her shiver under him.

Her fingertips danced along his back and he lightly bit down her her pulse point, before sucking on it, making the dirtiest, sexiest noise he had ever heard leave her mouth. For a moment he stopped his movements. That noise had an almost immediate response from every part of his body. Then tried to make the noise reappear, needing to hear it over and over again.

His hips firmly jerked against hers while he sucked on the same spot he had before. The same noise came, but this time it was more breathy, but that only made it sexier to him. Her hands moved to waistband of his sweatpants, trying to get them down, but her hands were shaking, so he broke away quickly removing the clothing from himself. Before returning to the position they were in, he tugged at the waistband of Alexis' panties. She raised her hips, making it easier for him.

Once all their clothing was removed he moved forward, laying kisses over her skin. He'd never had the chance to do this before, to kiss every part of her body, to touch every inch of skin he could, and he definitely wasn't going to pass up the opportunity in front of him.

She gasped and squirmed under his light kisses and drawn-out touches. His tongue moved from her bellybutton to her earlobe in a very slow motion, Kevin guessed when he heard Alexis begging for him to move faster.

His tongue dipped in her already opened mouth and he lowered himself onto her. Her hands were tangled in his hair while kissing him. He moved away briefly.

"Where are you going?"

He didn't answer. He opened up the draw of his nightstand and pulled out a condom.

"Safe sex and great sex," Alexis said, making Kevin grin. He slipped the condom on quickly. He bent down and kissed her slowly, teasing her as he took extra long to move. She groaned and placed her hands on his hips, pulling him him down to hers. He let out a chuckle against her lips.

He grabbed one of her legs and placed it over his waist. She followed suit with the other and he nudged against her. Her body jerked and a soft moan fell from her lips.

"Ready?" he asked.

"Can't you tell?" She joked with a laugh.

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

Soon all that could be heard from Kevin's room was heavy breathing, along with moans and words of love.

Kevin and Alexis lay there, motionless, just going over the last hour in their heads.

"So, that was—"

"Different." Alexis finished Kevin's thought.

"Different." He agreed.

"But in a good way, right?" she asked, worry took over her tone.

Kevin grinned and laid a kiss to the top of her head. "The best way." He felt her smile against his chest. They may have taken the more difficult, confusing, and exhausting route, but they had finally made their way to that moment. A moment that Kevin was never going to forget.

"Kind of wish it had always been that way," she breathed against his bare chest, making him internally shiver.

"Agreed."

"But I wouldn't change anything."

"Nothing?" he asked, a little confused.

"Nope. Not one bit of it."

"Why not?"

"Because if we never slept together in the first place, we wouldn't be here right now."

She was right; if he didn't come to Castle's place that night, things could completely different for him. The both of them. He would probably still be with Jenny. He probably would be in a loveless marriage if he stayed away from Alexis. They found their way to each other in a very strange way, but he was damn glad that they did.

He placed a kiss into her hair. "There's no place else I'd rather be than here with you." He wrapped his arms around her and planned on never letting her go.

 **The End.**

* * *

 **Hey Guys! Special note, the brilliant** **A.K. Hunter and I have been collaborating on an Rylexis story. It will be titled, Partnered. Here's a summary:**

 **After his partner is taken off active duty, Kevin Ryan is stuck with rookie detective Alexis Castle. He thinks she's a spoiled brat, and she's not very impressed with him either. When a near-fatal mistake causes their work and personal lives to collide, Kevin and Alexis discover that first impressions are often deceiving. Inspired by "The Time of Our Lives."**

 **We will start posting it August 21st, so please, please check it out. We would love to know what you all think :) Thank you all!**


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